Meet the In-Laws

Disneyland 2012

It was a cold, dark, winter evening and I was at Joe's restaurant helping out after work.  Joe started putting on his black, leather coat, gloves, and a black beanie.  His dad walked in, wearing the exact same thing.  "Are you ready?"  Tom asked, looking intently at Joe.  "Yes," he said.  "We will be back shortly," Joe whispered, and they both got onto their motorcycles and drove away.

I'm not sure how long they were gone, but my creative mind pictured all of these things...most of them illegal.  When Joe returned, I know that my face must have been ghost-white, and I said to him in the most serious tone possible.  "I'm going to ask you something, and no matter what, you have to tell me the truth.  Do you promise?" I asked.  "Sure, what is it?" Joe said. I started out looking at the floor, and finally reached his eyes. "Are you in the mafia?" I whispered.

There was a long pause. Joe smiled, and I almost started crying.  He started laughing, and continued laughing so hard he cried and was bent over the counter holding his stomach.  "Well, are you or not?" I asked.  "I hate to break it to you, but I am not."  Joe continued,  "one day this will be a funny story and you will laugh just as much as I am right now...trust me."  I shook my head, wiped away my tears, and continued working.

 *****

In-Laws.  You don't marry just your significant other; you marry his family.  Joe and I chose to keep our relationship private for the first few years.  Yes, I said years.  We felt we needed to focus on us before bringing in outside factors.  I think for Joe, part of it was if I passed his test.  If I did, I would meet his family.  If not, why waste everyone's time?

I actually met Joe's family separately, which I think was a good idea especially since I am an only child.  I was very intimidated at first, and I blame Joe for this, because he would just tell me terrible stories, and being as gullable as I am, I believed him!  I can honestly say that I feel I fit in now. I had to put on my big-girl panties and just learn how to use my voice. And now, since I'm the first of their official in-laws, I'm their favorite, AND I always will be AND that's that!

Tommy, Joe's younger and only brother, was the first person I met.  He was playing hockey for Canada, and came home to visit around January.  His hair was bleached blonde and down to his shoulders.  He said, "hi," sat on Joe's couch, and ignored me the rest of the night.  He returned to Canada shortly thereafter, and I wasn't sure if I would ever see this odd, nineteen-year-old again.

Six years later, and now Tommy is twenty-five. I adore him as if he were my own brother and sometimes I forget that biologically he isn't.  I've caught myself saying "brother" instead of "brother-in-law" or "Joe's brother" several times.  Do I think that Joe and I maybe sometimes enable Tommy?  Why yes, yes we do.  Tommy has a soft spot in our hearts and always will.

When Nancy graduated with her Bachelor's.  One of my favorite pictures of Joe and Tommy.

One of the best memories I have of Tommy is the day I was finally allowed to move to Lil Beans Compound.  The grass was nearly as tall as I am, and the weeds were even worse.  I was at my town house in Bountiful cleaning, and Tommy and Tom went to my house and took care of the grass.  When I showed up hours later, Tommy was so happy to show me what he had accomplished and even bought me my first piece of yard equipment...a rake.  I tried not to cry, but I could feel it coming so I hurry and hopped back in my car and went and got us both McDonalds.  When I came back, the tears started coming.  "Oh gosh, please don't cry," Tommy begged.  So I sucked it up, and we had a picnic in the empty living room, just Tommy and me.  I've never had a brother, so I don't know what brothers and sisters do, but I imagine that something like this would be it.

The second best memory I have of Tommy is when he got my name for Christmas.  He was able to "slut up" a Bratz doll and named her "The Real Housewife of Salt Lake City."  IT WAS HILARIOUS!  I adored the fact that he went to all of this trouble just for me.  I have this doll on display and it will always have a special place in my heart because "my brother" gave it to me.  One of the best pleasures that I will have throughout my lifetime is that I am literally going to be part of the majority of Tommy's life.

Real Housewife of Salt Lake City.

The second person I met from Joe's family was his sister, Kate.  Kate is six months younger than me, and from the beginning, scared the heck out of me.  Again, I blame Joe for this.  Joe painted Kate to be the perfect sister, perfect female, perfect everything.  He made it very clear that her opinion about me was what mattered...and that was that.  Early on in our relationship, I saw how much he valued Kate.  When she would call, no matter what, Joe would pick up.  It was Kate, and he needed no explanation otherwise.  Then came the part where she was studying to be a cop and had a gun.  I was scared of her before I knew she had firearms and this was making it worse!

I met Kate for the first time at the restaurant.  She came in, gave me a quick hello, and was telling Joe about some stupid person who she wanted to kill.  All I could think of was is she really going to kill him/her or is this just an expression that she uses?  I also started looking at her wondering where her gun was.  As soon as she left, Joe stated, "that's Kate, she's just the best, isn't she?"  I tried not to pee my pants in fear.  I just replied with, "yeah, she's great!"

I would like to say that six years later I am no longer afraid of Kate...that much.  I feel that there are two sides and it's best to be on the side that she is on.  If I was on the "other" side, then that's where I would be fearful.  Kate is passionate and loyal and will do anything to stand up for what's right and protect her family.  She and Joe have this unique relationship where they just sit and say nothing for five solid minutes, and then they just start talking, and they both get it, and no one else does, and that's ok.

My favorite memory of Kate was when we both "left/were escorted/kicked out" of Tommy's hockey game.  In short, a stupid, fat, old man takes a cheap/illegal shot on Tommy, and the refs do nothing.  Joe is standing up saying every name in the book and gets kicked out (super classy).  Once he leaves, the crowd dies down, and Kate and I feed off of each other and continue what Joe started (super classy).  We are then "leaving," when Kate spots the jerkface walking to the locker room and got in his face.  I then climb up on the railing, lean over, and start yelling again.  Needless to say, Joe, Kate, and I were sitting in my car during the rest of the hockey game dreaming up all of the things we would like to do to this idiot and laughing about it even more.  A Word to the Wise: Don't Mess with Kate!



Kate and Joe at Downtown Disney.

Tom, Joe's father, and who I originally thought was the mafia boss, is a man of few words.  I first met him at the restaurant.  After sitting there for nearly an hour, and of course no introduction from Joe, I finally say to him, "Hi, I'm Kristin, you must be Joe's dad."  His reply was short, "I know who you are, but let's make Joe introduce you."  Later that day, Joe finally did.  During the summers, I would spend my afternoons at the restaurant with Tom talking about everything from food to presidential candidates.

Tom and I both have our masters degrees so we have our little jokes that drives Joe crazy such as "we don't have to do that, we have our masters degree," or "we have a fist-full of degrees."  At Disneyland, we were also the first two ready EVERY SINGLE MORNING, so we would sit on the steps and laugh at all of the nonsense we could hear in the hotel rooms of the others frantically getting ready.  Tom frequently has told me that he thinks that his family is totally crazy, but then one day he realized that "everyone else's family is just as crazy."  I think he is wise...and right.

Because surely anyone who holds up their hands in Splash Mountain has to be part of the mafia...right?

Nancy, Joe's mom and Nikki, Joe's sister, were the last two I met and who I've mentioned in previous posts.  As I get to know both of them, I cannot believe how much Nikki reminds me of Joe, and how much Nancy reminds me of...me!  Nancy and Nikki are both better cooks than I am, so I need to get better at that, and they are both better under pressure, where I just crack!  Nancy has the ability to put everyone else's needs in front of her own and accomplish them all at the same time.  I don't think she ever has a day off or anyone tells her "thank you" enough.  So Thank You, Nancy, from Your Favorite!  As far as Nikki is concerned, her personality is contagious and I forsee many times in the future of us being together and getting into trouble.  Hopefully, someone will be able to set bail!

Trouble with a capital T.

We were little school girls in Sleep Beauty's Castle!
 

Chelsea, Tommy's girlfriend, was the last person I met.  I love Chelsea for several reasons.  #1 She is an only child so she understands my social awkwardness.  #2 She is only twenty years old and is going to graduate with her bachelor's degree in social work so that makes her incredibly smart and focused.  #3 She never complains, and always listens.  #4 She likes owls!  #5 She has the best fashion sense out of all of us.  I think she adds a calming element to the family and I can't imagine a family function without her.   

Tommy and Chelsea.

*****

Some people say, "You can't live with them, you can't live without them," or "Oh great, I have do deal with the in-law's again!"  As Joe's mom, Nancy, was cleaning my disgusting fridge in Bountiful, I asked her why she was doing all this for me.  She stopped immediately what she was doing, looked at me dead in the eyes, and said, "NO MATTER what, this family will always be there for one another.  It's what we do." 

And now, I am part of it.

It's Only Weird if it Doesn't Work

One late Sunday night, I was nestled downstairs in the family room watching some installment of The Real Housewives.  Joe comes running in from his man den to find me downstairs and throws me an old, smelly jersey.  "It's time!"  He yells.  "Put this on!"  I merely cast it aside, and continue watching my nonsense. 

Joe starts fidgeting.  "Please," he begs.  "When you get this on, meet me upstairs."  I follow him  upstairs, still without the jersey on, but nosy as to what he is up to.  I find him in my bedroom, on my bed, tv blasting.  Now, I'm officially not impressed.  "What the heck are you doing?" I asked.  He is immersed in the baseball game.  "Put the jersey on, it has to be on right now!"  I follow his request and sit silently on my bed next to him.  At commercial break, I look at him completely confused.  "The last time the Giants played, I was in here during the exact same inning and I was wearing this and you were wearing that." This was all he managed to say before he was on the move again.  "Now what are you doing?"  I questioned.  "I watched the next inning out in the man den and I was on the telephone."  And with that he was off, with phone dialing, and I was still in an old, smelly jersey.

We can laugh at superstitions, or rituals, or old wives tales, or the politically correct term: traditions.  Regardless, it seems strange to outsiders, but seemingly has been in my life for a long time, first with my grandpa and mom, and now with Joe.  I would like to say that this was Joe's first "incident" but it's not, and it surely won't be the last.  At the end of the Bud Light commercial which first aired at Superbowl 2012, the tag line reads, "It's Only Weird if it Doesn't Work."  That evening, Joe's San Francisco Giants won the World Series.

As an avid sports fan and hockey player, Joe has told me of his very unhygienic and usual ways of actively participating to insure a win.  From wearing the same socks, to never washing a particular jersey the day the Indianapolis Colts play, to even synchronizing his watch to complete a full play-by-play from the last game, his teams usually win and win big.

And what do we do if they don't win?  Joe comes up with another plan naturally.  For instance, when the Saints played the Colts, I had a Superbowl party.  The Colts lost, and I sat there in tears among strangers who just raided my house for free food.  Joe says no more watching the Superbowl with people, and we haven't had or attended a Superbowl party since.

So with the "feelings" my grandpa gets, the "things happen in groups of three" that my mom lives by, and the smelly jerseys I will probably endure for the rest of my life from Joe, I have seamlessly followed and even created some of my own wedding rules/rituals/superstitions over the past year.  Here a just a few:

• Most of the recipients of the wedding invitations received them exactly a month prior to our wedding.
• I mailed out my wedding invitations from five different post offices to insure proper and timely delivery.
• NO ONE except for the moms are allowed to see my dress prior to the wedding ceremony.
• I have worn the same outfit to all of our vendors meetings and have eaten the same thing after each.
• Any particularly special occasion such as pictures, showers, final appointments, I have worn the wedding colors of yellow and teal.
• I will discuss other people's weddings with limitations and I will not actively participate in other's wedding planning process until after ours.
• Most of the dates we have scheduled for wedding things occur on our wedding dates of the 7th and 12th.  If they don't, there is some other significance behind the particular number chosen.
• July 7th will be exactly one year since we got engaged and is Joe's grandmother, Ruth's birthday.
• July 12th is halfway between my birthday and Joe's birthday.
• At the wedding reception, every little thing has a purpose for being there.  Most guests won't get it, but I will, and if I believe it makes the feng shui better, then so be it.

It's only weird if it doesn't work.

It Takes a Village

When I was barely twenty-four, I began teaching.  Eight years later, I have taught five different courses and been the advisor for eight clubs.  I have been to five graduations, eight "Looking Back" assemblies, thirty-two Parent-Teacher Conferences, and have taught approximately 1,280 students.  In eight years, I've had three kidney stones, dated four guys, moved six times, received my masters degree, got engaged, and will be getting married right before my ninth year.  While my life was in constant motion, one thing remained the same: Viewmont.

In March, I was approached by two of my best friends to have a faculty bridal shower.  I immediately said yes, but then I was overwhelmed with the unknown.  What would happen?  Who would be there?  What do I say?  What do I wear?  I thought about this bridal shower for two solid months.

The day finally came, and I wore a dress....a dress!  I wanted to show how important this day was to me and how nice I thought it was for everyone to spend time after work doing this.  Wearing a dress was the only way I knew how.  During 8th period, I started getting the jitters.  My students even asked me why I was so nervous.  "I have somewhere important to be after school," I said, "and I need to make a good impression."  They didn't get it, but who could blame them?  I didn't either.

When I walked downstairs, I couldn't believe my eyes.  Decorations, food, gifts, and most importantly, the people who have made my eight years some of the best years in my life.  Some people I knew would come, but some I was truly shocked at.  I didn't think ALL of the secretaries would be there.  Some even came on their day off or stayed late when they work part-time.  I couldn't believe that all of these people were there for me!

Needless to say, I had a fabulous time, and it is one of my fondest memories of Viewmont.  Not because I got a Magic Bullet (which is completely awesome), but because I was able to share one of the most important events of my life with some of the most important people in my life. 

After the bridal shower, I drove to my mom's house to show her all of the nice things I received and to tell her about it.  I started crying just speaking to her about it, and just like a mom, she did too.  I finally managed the words to express what I was feeling, "they did all of this for me because they are part of what has made me into the person I am today.  They've watched me grow up."

Since I've dedicated a previous post to my "school moms," I would like to dedicate this post to all of my fabulous friends at Viewmont who have made my life better just by being in it.  Here are just a few:

Whipplelott: Shannon and I grew up together as teachers.  We were advisors together and taught the same subjects.  She started as a newlywed and since has had two children. We ate lunch together every day for six years!  She is the person who I have confided in the most about...everything.  She is one of three people who I feel comfortable crying in front of, and she always manages to make me feel better even if she says nothing at all.  Although she has a different job now, every time I see her it is like she has never left.  My life is enriched because she is part of it, and I know no matter where our paths may lead us, we will always keep in touch.

Weshizzle: Weston and I started together as first year teachers, and we've had this bond ever since.  He is so silly and funny, and I enable it by laughing!   For only teaching together for three years, we have managed to stay in contact and see each other several times a year.  Weston has quite a fan base and is frequently on the news and in the newspaper, but when I see him, he is just Weston to me.  He was the first person who came to see my house, and I proudly/ socially awkwardly went to his son's baby shower.  Weston is my smart, famous, ridiculous, scarf-wearing, coffee drinking at the movies, avenues "hipster" friend, and my role model.

Shannon: Shannon is the third side to our first-year triangle.  She started the same time as Weston and I, so all three of us ate lunch together.  Shannon speaks her mind, and I think with her example, she has given me strength.  In the eight years I've known her, she has had two of the best behaved boys I've ever had the pleasure of watching grow.  Shannon is strong, but her best feature is her loyalty.  I know no matter what, Shannon always has my back, and in return, I will always have hers.

Melissa: Melissa was first friends with Whipplelott, so that's how I met her, and I am so glad I did!  Melissa is passionate, kind, and tough!  She single-handedly made and hung up all of the bridal shower decorations.  No big deal, right?  It is when you are seven months pregnant!  I have a different relationship with Melissa than I do Whipplelott and Shannon.  I look at Melissa as being my little sister.  I naturally just want to take care of her and watch out for her (even though she doesn't really need it).  I strive to be a better person so Melissa has someone to look up to.

Kristin: Kristin is the first person who I met at Viewmont, and truly one of the best.  When I told my mom about my interview, I said, "one day, I want to be just like her."  Kristin is such a great leader.  She is smart, caring, and does more for the school than even she realizes.  I love having my classroom next to hers and seeing her every day.  She doesn't expect anything from anyone that she doesn't expect first from herself.  I think a lot of us strive to be just like her because she is such a master teacher (plus, I never want to disappoint her).  She is still a person that I hope to be like someday, but I am also proud to call her my friend, and one of my best friends at that.

J. Fletch: I have only known Jo for about three years, and our friendship is just nonsense!  Whether we are at Costco, she's eating spaghetti on my living room floor, or we are just sitting in her office, when we are together, it is pure chaos.   What two women hide in the floor of my car after school?  I could go on and on about the crazy things we've done together, but maybe some of them are illegal?!? She makes me laugh so hard I cry, and half the time, we don't even know what we are talking about.  She has a contagious personality that lots of people flock to.  This year, she was named Counselor of the Year, and no one deserves it more than her.  She loves her students as if they were her own, and while she pours out confidence, she cares a lot about what people think of her.  Just so she knows, people think you're great!

Lisa: Everyone gets to have a crazy friend in their life, and I am so glad that mine is Lisa!  Lisa moved to Viewmont the same year as I started, and our classrooms were right next to each other.  Since then, she has moved far away, but I look forward to seeing her at least once a week and hearing her stories.  Her family has adopted me as if I was one of their own, and now Joe looks to her husband, Michael, as one of his best friends.  Lisa has the biggest heart and is one of the kindest people I know.  She always has words of wisdom that I take to heart.  Yesterday she taught me, "at the end of the day, all you have is your reputation, and that is the most important of all." 

Jizzle: Like so many others, I grew up with Jamie as she was my fellow advisor.  Some people have just work friends, some people just play friends.  To me, Jamie was both.  We had just a good of time at a football game as we would a Snoop Dogg concert.  She was my Jizzle and I was her Fred.  When she left for other opportunities, she came to my classroom to say goodbye, and as soon as I opened the door, we just stood there crying and laughing and crying and laughing.   No one loves her friends more than Jamie, and no one loves Viewmont more than Jamie.  I hope to possess that same passion.

Judy: Judy and I are seemingly opposite in some ways, and creepily alike in others.  We are both perfectionists, we like to plan, we love rap, and our favorite baseball team of all-time is the Mariners!  When I have a random comment that has nothing to do with nothing, I text him, and he does the same.  I guess you could say, we appreciate nonsense!  I think out of all my friends, I probably give Judy the most crap, but when someone else tries, I flip out.  Maybe in some ways, Judy is the little brother that I didn't know I wanted to have.

Breckon: Breckon and I have a bond that keeps us connected forever: SBO.  Other's think they know what it's about, but truly, they have no idea.  Where I was organized, she was creative.  Either way, SBO flourished because we loved the kids.  Sadly, she is not returning next year, but I hope to see her beyond the brick and mortar.

It Takes a Village to Raise a Fred!

Thank You!

 

What Bugs a Bridezilla

Last night I sent my mom a text.  It read, This is turning into another Bridezilla week.  Her reply: Oh Lord.  It is only Tuesday.  It will be ok, don't let stupid people get to you. Some days, weeks, and months, are better than others, I suppose.  October through December was bridezilla-filled, and I think I'm getting that way again.  I think I'm doing a great job at masking it, but it's poor Joe and my mom who have to hear about it via phone call or through 100 text messages.  There are certain parts that I'm freaking out over and I don't know why.  Joe's infamous reply is usually, "What is it exactly that you are stressing over?" or "So?  Who cares!"  That's the part where I start screaming back, "I care!  Why am I the only one who cares?  Why aren't you listening to me!"  That is typical bridezilla-gone-nuts, or in my case, a Tuesday.

There is one month, three weeks, and one day to go, to be exact.  I am ready (for the most part), but my new-found stress is I am not confident that everyone else is.  Maybe I should just remind my vendors for a fourth time. Maybe I need to invite people verbally before the invitations go out.  Maybe people think they have plenty of time to figure it out.  I'm here to tell you that it is coming sooner than you think so if you have issues, concerns, questions, speak now, or put on your big boy/girl pants and figure it out.

We had the DJ finalization on Saturday (but I'm sure I will finalize my finalization at least two more times).  Like all of my vendors, he is completely awesome and showers me with compliments to help lower the crazy.  After I furnished him with a copy of the play list, detailed with song, artist, what hour-block to play each song in, and how long each song is, he said, "with your personality, I can't fathom anything will go wrong, because I could see you actually killing a person."  Joe started laughing hysterically, and I replied with, "thank you."  In my head, I was quickly revisiting my other conversations with my vendors and hoped that I struck the fear of God into them as well.  I'm really not worried (that much) about the vendors because of two things: I remind them every chance I get what day/time it is, and I made sure to get the owner/manager of each to come to the event instead of a regular employee.  To me, everyone needs to start somewhere, but unfortunately, I'm not taking a chance on my wedding; I need a professional, thank you.

The DJ asked me what I thought a perfect wedding was.  My reply was simple, "I want all of my guests to have a wonderful time."  He felt that was unusual.  "Don't you want to have a good time?" He asked.  "I will if they will, but I don't want anyone to be bored, or hot, or hungry, or mad.  I want them all to have a nice time."  So hopefully, my guests will have just that: a genuinely, nice time.

I think that everyone can take away one positive and one negative aspect of every wedding and reception that he/she has attended.  It's all about the couple's personality, and of course, budget, but my gosh, are some people tacky!  And then there's others that you didn't expect to be classy, and they were!  Listed below are things I personally dislike, but it's your wedding, your business, and only you (and the social media world) will have the photos of the glorious/hideous event that will remind you forever!

Things that bug this Bridezilla:

• When save-the-dates are nicer than the actual invitation.
• Invitations being sent out closer to the event than four weeks.
• Engagement photos that show too much PDA.
• Engagement photos that are just tacky (bad colors, poor positions, outfit choice, etc.).
• Long lines that include bridesmaids and groomsmen (what do you say to them)?
• Long lines because people are yapping (I promise not to).
• Skimpy/tacky food (the couple shouldn't make people drive AND get dressed up for a stupid fruit kabob).
• Several toasts made throughout the evening.
• Crazy DJ's constantly plugging their business.
• Pictures of the bride and groom EVERYWHERE.
• Baby pictures/video of the bride and groom growing up.  Do your guests really care about what you looked like in the 3rd grade?
• When guests bring all of their kids and plan on using your event for their all-you-can-eat dinner buffet.
• If you're going to have cupcakes, have a regular cake as well.  This tells me it's a reception, not a birthday party.
• When guests and/or bridal party take off their shoes and walk/dance around.
• Guests who have something important going on in their lives and somehow the attention gets shifted on them instead.
• Vases that have fake pebbles, rocks, or glass beads in them as the table decorations.
• Hypertext (quotes, names, any type of text everywhere).
• When guests try and tell your vendors what to do.
• Too many DIY projects gone wrong.  If I can simmer myself down and realize that I can't do everything...you can as well.  Just because you took a good picture in junior high does NOT make you a photographer...just because you made cupcakes for a birthday party does NOT make you a cake designer.
• Thank You Notes.  I can count the amount of thank you notes I've received on one hand.  Rest assured, you will receive one because it's the right thing to do.

After all is said and done, there will be things at my own wedding that I wish I could have done better.   But feel free to tell me it was wonderful just the same.

Is it Better to be Lucky Than Good?

"It's better to be lucky than good," says Lamar Gillett, the only P-35 pilot in World War II to shoot down a Japanese Zero. "I was lucky I was behind the Zero instead of in front of him. I was lucky when I landed back at Clark that the guys who were shooting at me didn't give enough lead. I was lucky my C.O. on Bataan sent me to Corregidor to get the chewing-out he was in for and wasn't there for the shelling that killed him." As a survivor of the Bataan Death March and three years of Japanese captivity, two years of it spent as a slave on Shikoku, Lamar Gillett is a lucky man indeed (Cleaver).

Some people have all the luck.

Joe and I always arrive at the same conclusion, but our paths getting there couldn't be more different.  I vowed never to enter into a relationship with someone whose future was unknown.  The mere idea of it was incredibly scary for a planner such as myself.    Then, enter Joe.  Six years ago, he was managing his family's restaurant when the economy took a turn for the worst and people stopped going out to eat.  I was at the restaurant nearly every day towards the end, and the fewer the people that came, the more I saw the hurt in Joe's eyes.  I didn't know what was next, but Joe certainly did.

Joe never mentioned if he was scared, or depressed, or worried, but then again, I worried enough for the both of us.  All I know is I got a call one day during the summer while I was in New York, and Joe told me he was going to be a manager of Family Dollar.  "I was just at the right place at the right time."  And so the story of Joe, the lucky one, continues.

After working for Family Dollar for three years, he was told that he had reached the top.  "There's no room for advancement, so I have to try something else."  He was optimistic, I was worried...again.  Would he be able to find something he enjoyed?

And then he did it...again.  A new restauranteur in Salt Lake asked for Joe's help setting up his new restaurant.  It seemed like the perfect match and Joe seemed happy...at first.  But then the restaurant started failing.  It had nothing to do with Joe, but he took responsibility for it and I think it reminded him of his own restaurant.  It was time for Joe to move on. 

"I want to change my career path," Joe said one evening.  Secretly dying inside I asked him what he wanted to do.  "I want to build computers and fix them.  I want to work in an office and have a desk."  I couldn't wrap my head around this.  Joe was the outgoing guy, the funny guy, the sports guy.  Joe was a customer service guy, a salesman, a crowd pleaser.  He wanted to work with computers all day, at a desk, by himself?  I thought he was joking. 

And so I watched.  He began reading manuals about computers.  He asked his friend, a computer programmer, to help him.  He literally started tearing apart computers and putting them back together again just so he could see how they worked.  And then people started asking him to do the same thing with their computers!  And they paid him!  I can count things I am good at on one hand, and then there's Joe...self-taught computer programmer plus many others.

And then, almost three months ago, Joe called me again.  "Guess what?  he screamed.  "I'm applying for a job where I get to help people with broken technology put it back together again!  Wish me luck!"  And so I did.  That night, after work, Joe and I had dinner together.  "So how did the interview go?"  I asked.  He began telling me of the typical questions asked in interviews and then a long saga about how he had to put a computer together in ten minutes.  "It was awesome!"  He said.  And then he told me that they asked him where he saw himself in the future.  "I told them that in three months I wanted to be one of the suits running this joint," Joe laughed.  I sat there...shocked.  I didn't know if I was going to throw up or smack him!  "Tell me you're joking," I begged.  "Nope," Joe continued.  "And they gave me a job!"  I couldn't believe it.  He did it again.

For the past two months, Joe has loved his job.  He gets to fix customer's internet, phone, and satellite, and, his favorite: he gets to sit in an office with a view of the Salt Lake Valley.  Fast forward to Friday, May 10.  I get another phone call.  "You will never guess what?"  Joe questioned.  "Remember how I told them in ninety days I wanted to be one of the people running this place?  Well I am!  I am!  I got promoted!"  This time my stomach didn't hurt.  I wasn't worried, or irritated, or annoyed.  I was proud.  He advanced three levels and became the boss to his boss' boss.  The best thing about it: his ninety-day anniversary is this week.

I'm not sure if Joe is lucky or good or a little bit of both.  But I do know that I took a chance and got lucky myself this time.

The Power of Moms

My mom, the magician.

My mom has magic powers.  She can make the smallest success seem monumental, and the worst day feel so much better.  My mom never knows what she is going to get when I walk in her door.  I go to her with good news, bad news, sad news, and even no news.  She is always the first to know everything because I couldn't imagine not getting her advice, her cheerfulness, and her hugs to make it all better.  I have driven to her house late at night and early in the morning...my mom's door is always open not only to me, but to everyone.  Everyone can count on my mom, and we should all be so lucky that she is part of our lives. In short, my mom just "gets it." I can be having a really bad day and all I want to do is cry or yell, but I don't; I end up driving to my mom's house, and the minute I see her face, I burst into tears.  She has the magic touch to make everything in life seem better, and with her immediate hug and a taco or two, I forget all of my troubles until the next incident happens, and there she is again, picking up the pieces.

I think the best quality of my mom is her ability to listen.  I am very dramatic with some (most) of my stories, and she listens to all of my nonsense and is genuinely interested!  And let's get real.  I have come up with some crazy ideas, and she always says, "oh, that sounds nice," or, "that's a good idea, why don't you try it?"  Never, EVER has my mom said, "you can't do that."  My dreams have been her dreams, and because of her, many of them have come true. 

The countless things that my mom does for myself and others cannot even be measured, because quite frankly, she doesn't tell people about most of them.  One day she asked if we could go to Wal-Mart so she could buy school supplies for a class in need.  She's taught me that if you have to get recognition for the service you do, then you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place.  She always puts everyone else before herself, but unlike some people who would naturally build up resentment, she gets happiness from seeing others happy and taken care of. 

About a year ago, my mom took herself to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well (she doesn't like to bother anyone).  She had incredibly high blood pressure and was almost hospitalized.  For the first time, my mom said to me, "I'm really scared."  She's often scared about my grandpa or the shenanigans I'm up to, but she was scared for herself this time.  She committed to a healthier lifestyle, and her reason was so she could be around for everyone else.  I don't think that many people wake up and say, "I'm never going to eat anything with lots of sodium again," but she did and she has maintained that lifestyle for a year now, never slipping up, even around the holidays.  She is inspirational for many things: her kindness, her selflessness, her dedication; I am just so glad that she is mine.

My mom is my best friend; and no, I don't think that's weird.  We spend time together usually at least twice a week, and we have done so for years now.  In every way possible, we try to rearrange our schedules so we can spend this time together, even if we don't end up doing anything but talking.  But we also go on many adventures together: craft shows, book stores, nurseries, and even sometimes we just eat tacos and take a nap!  My mom is always up for anything (as long as it doesn't require her driving on the freeway).  This wedding will be yet another adventure we get to take together.  I am so glad I get to share it with her.  She didn't have her mom when she got married, so it is even more special for us to celebrate this moment together.  She is my best mom and I am her favorite daughter.

My almost mother-in-law aka Supermom.

Have you ever heard the phrase about a man marrying someone exactly like their mother?  Joe got pretty dang close (even though he has just realized it).  Nancy and I are two peas in a pod.  We both teach the same subjects and the same grades.  We both had red hair when we were born, and we are both blonde now.  We both cry at parades and fireworks and whatever else strikes our fancy at the time.  We both laugh at corny jokes.  We both get riled up over the smallest things.  We both fully admit that Joe drives us crazy!

Nancy was the second to last person I met.  I met her at Joe's restaurant.  I was eating at one table; she was at the table next to mine.  Nearly an hour later, Joe came out and said, "by the way, this is my mom."  I almost peed my pants, and if I were to guess, she did too.  Great introduction, Joe.  Through conversation, I learned that she was a teacher and taught the same subject as me (another thing that Joe could have brought to my attention.  Keep in mind, we had dated two years at this point!).  From then on, she was always extremely nice to me and made me feel like I was part of the family. 

Nancy has four children: two boys, two girls.  Watching her at holidays or dinners, she has this ability to give them all the attention they need.  Similar to my mom, she puts everyone else's needs in front of her own.  I frequently say to her that the family would fall apart if it wasn't for her.  She is certainly the glue that holds everyone together (whether they like it or not).  Why I think Joe and Nikki are similar, they all need to be "handled" differently, if that makes sense.  Nancy can do this and do this flawlessly.  She even changes her posture and her tone of voice depending upon which child she is talking to.  Even though I will be her daughter-in-law, she makes me feel like I am one of her own, and never separates the fact that I am "marrying" in.  She also is fine with the fact that I am and always will be the favorite, and flatters me by telling me I am.  She is Supermom, and I am her favorite.

*****

This post would not be complete if I didn't properly thank my School Mom.  My School Mom, Debbi, has six children of her own, but at school, her kids allow her to be on loan to me.  Sometimes I just need a "mom" to talk to right then, to help me see something I may not have seen before, to calm me down, or just to listen to me.  Debbi is the best at this.  She has the kindest heart and genuinely loves her job, her students, and me.  I always love to go in and talk to her; she makes me feel at home.  We talk about the funniest things just as much as we talk about the serious things.  Debbi has given me the best advice through the years regarding school, Joe, and my wedding.  Work doesn't feel whole without her there, and just knowing she is down the hall gives me great comfort (even if that sounds weird).  My life is truly better with her in it, and I wish her and her family the best that life has to offer.

Debbi is my School Mom, but I also want to wish a fabulous Mother's Day to two other moms who give me great comfort at school, and I am so thankful that they have taken me under their wing and listen to my craziness.  Sherri C. and Sherri J. have the funniest personalities.  I enjoy their sarcasm and talking to them in person or ranting via email.  I feel like all of these wonderful ladies have raised me in the past eight years, and I hope I make them proud.

Happy Mother's Day!

Love,

Kristin

Confessions of an OCD Bride

Two weeks ago, I woke up early for a Saturday.  The first thought I had in my head was, “My dress!”  I immediately got dressed and drove to Layton just to inquire.  Yes, I could have phoned, but I needed to see for myself where my dress was, was it going to be here in time for my alterations, etc.  I went in the store wound up, to say the least.  After the sales lady actually let me get on her computer to track it for myself, I calmed down.  “Sorry,” I said.  “I just find one thing to obsess over, and I won’t stop until I figure it out.”  “It happens all of the time,” she smiled.  “Don’t worry.”

It happens all of the time.  So I am “normal,” right?  Maybe not so much.  You see, I would like to say that my compulsiveness all has to do with the wedding, but I’m usually always like this no matter what the circumstance.  Just ask my mom.  My mom has been through my episodes where I would go late to school if my bangs weren’t perfect, or I wouldn’t go to bed until I found white socks that matched each other perfectly.  I would also reorganize her living room decorations until everything was symmetrical.  Because that is certainly normal…right?

As I’ve gotten older, it unfortunately has gotten worse.  So bad even, that it starting impacting my sleep.  I couldn’t sleep because I was always, always thinking or…reorganizing.  I couldn’t turn it off no matter what I tried.   Joe took me to the doctor and the doctor explained that I have anxiety and also OCD.  I was hoping for something to just help me sleep, but it wasn’t that easy.

So naturally, I freaked out.  I saw those people on television.  Counting stairs, washing their hands compulsively, not leaving their house.  Was I that bad?  This is where I had to change my thinking.  Everyone has their “thing” even if it’s no”thing” at all.  My “thing” is organization and planning.  If it’s straight and symmetrical, I’m ok.  If not, I will think about it, and think about it, and think about it.  Some people have certain triggers: change in routine, sickness, high stress at work, but unfortunately, we haven’t been able to narrow mine down.  For example, why did I suddenly wake up thinking “my dress?”  

I was happy to learn (by happy I mean relieved) that most people have certain levels of both anxiety and OCD.  Who knew?  Again, some people can turn it off and some people have it dictate their whole lives.  I’d like to think I’m a fully functioning individual.  I just go through these processes that few people see that help me get through certain circumstances.  I can go weeks without a single episode, or I can have several things happen in a day.  And usually, it never happens at school.

Joe looked at this for the first several years as me just being dramatic (which I am, but not in this case) and teased me about it.  “What’s the big deal?”  He would say.  Big deal?  Big deal?  His reaction would just infuriate me.  It wasn’t until these past two years especially he could see it, and could see that I couldn’t turn it off as much as I would try.  Imagine getting a phone call of me crying saying that I’m in Salt Lake and I can’t drive because there are too many cars on the road.  Since then, Joe has gotten it.

Some of the drawbacks of this whole thing (besides the nonsense listed above) is the fact that I never know when it’s going to happen.  I could be fine one minute, and immediately have an “episode” the next.  I can’t say to a person, “I was fine a few seconds ago, but now my heart is pounding out of my chest and I feel like I’m going to faint or vomit or both…but great party!”  Yeah right.  But that is an extreme case and rarely occurs.  But on the positive side, I have gained a lot. I don’t know anyone who has a cleaner house than me (and I actually enjoy making it that way), I’m on a routine, I’m very dependable, and I always keep my word (even if I have to leave early because I freak out).   

Lucky for me, my OCD has never let me down when it comes to planning my wedding either. If I could plan other people’s weddings on the side I would gladly do it because I love the organization of it (and the control)! Currently, everything is already done for my wedding and my event is two months away!  I’m not saying that I’m an over-achiever, I’m saying that that is normal functioning for me, and anything else is unacceptable…for me.  And for that, I thank OCD.  I have kept records for my vendors and have also memorized account numbers. I know everyone who is coming and have one list with me in my purse at all times (naturally, I have three copies).  This may not be your normal but this most certainly is mine…my confessions of an OCD Bride.