Let there be...Baseball



Oakland Athletics, June 2009 in Oakland California.



Seattle Mariners, June 2011 in Seattle, Washington.

Seattle Mariners, March 2013 in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Through good times and bad, I will always have two constants in my life: Joe and Baseball.

Marriage and...Bill Cosby

My mother is the wisest person I know.  She is not college educated; she has never left the country (she doesn't even drive on the freeway, but now is not the time to discuss).  But instead of telling you what she isn't, I'd rather tell you what a great mother she is, and how I truly feel she is the best mother on the planet.  See, you don't need a college degree or a two year stint in Paris to speak truth, sincerity, and love.  Being a parent is hard; I see it everyday.  And being a parent to an inquisitive child is even harder.  She never missed a beat, however.  And for that, I thank her for her little gems, her little discussions she probably had to have with me way too early, her little pieces of truth which will stay with me forever.

I'm not sure how old I was, but I asked my mom who could marry.  She said a boy and a girl, in which I got clever, and started asking if I could marry my uncles or cousins.  I then asked her if it was possible that two boys or two girls could get married, in which she said no.  "But why?" I asked, "if you love someone, you get married, right?"  She agreed.  She told me that no matter what, I must always respect others and who they love, "whether it be two boys, two girls or one of each."  But most importantly, I must remember that we are the way we are because God made us this way.  "It isn't a choice," she said.

So I guess my question is, why then are we choosing the destinies of others?  I think known conservative, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, said it best, "the only thing that is killing heterosexual marriage is heterosexual marriage."  So maybe, just maybe before you cringe at two men wanting to exchange vows after they have been in a ten year committed relationship, you take a look at the Brittney Spears, the Kim Kardashians, the Elizabeth Taylors and what they've done for heterosexual marriage.  If their piss-poor marriages and the public mockery that they made out of it didn't ruin your own marriage, then two men exchanging vows won't either.

And for the record, I also asked my mom why all of the Presidents were white and old.  "I think you will be alive to see a black President," she said.  "Bill Cosby would be good," I responded.



I bet you expected me to say somewhere in this post that my mom is a lesbian.  She isn't.  But if she was, she is still the best mother on the planet. 

Tip #3: Don't Over DIY

The Do-It-Yourself bride...you know the type.  Lofty goals, tiny budget, and no allowance of time to actually complete said project.  The end result?  NOT what you saw on Pinterest.

One of my favorite shows (there are many) is David Tutera's "My Fair Wedding."  The concept is simple: the DIY bride calls David in a panic, he comes in, takes over, and all is well, and far grander than before.  It's easy for viewers to laugh at all of the bride's mismatched themes, but I think it is easy to get swept away with all of the ideas (there are many) and then say to yourself, "I can do that."

First things first: stick to one concept.  When I first started this process, I knew what my concept was: birds.  I have birds everywhere in my house; it was the natural pick.  Then I got sick of birds real quick because it seemed like everything I saw to do with weddings had, you guessed it, birds.  I then picked another theme, but did get swept away at times when I saw another, cutting-edge, "cool" idea.  My mom snapped me out of it real quick when she said, "what is the theme again?"  So needless to say, I reigned in my love of everything and stuck to the plan.

Second: decide what you can take on and when you plan on accomplishing these tasks.  If you're going to do it, do it.  If you want someone to help you, you may want to let them in on this little secret of yours, and arriving at their house the night before your big day is NOT the time.  At first, I kept telling my mom, "I really can do everything except for the cake.  But if I really need to, I can do the cake too."  I'm a cheapo.  I see all these silly crafts that people are selling, and making a ridiculous amounts of money on, that I can do myself.  But there are only twenty-four hours in the day and the wedding date is only getting closer.

So I prioritized according to my strengths, time, and budget.  I can do table decorations; I would have to teach myself how to decorate the cake.  The decision was easy: hire a baker.  Then came flowers.  Having two locations a week apart helped with that decision real quick.  I could do the fake, plastic, tacky thing myself, or I could spend a ridiculous amount of money on hiring two florists at two separate locations, or I had to think of a better plan.  My plan: dried flowers and plants.  I'm getting married in a nursey, so the plant thing was a for sure, and the dried flowers allow me to use the same flowers at both locations without the worry of wilting because they are already dead.  Do plants and dried flowers seem tacky to you?  Just wait, they are stunning and you know what?  They relate to my theme (not the dead part, the nursery part).

I think that brides set the bar too high.  And why wouldn't we?  It's OUR wedding!  I have thought to myself, people are going to expect perfection, so it has to be perfect.  But you know who is really setting that bar?  I am.  It will be perfect...to me.  And at the end of the day, no one is going to be scoring you on what you did and what you hired out for.  But please, just stick to one theme.  You don't want Mardi Gras all up in your reception.  Unless that's your theme, and then maybe you need to call David Tutera or Miss Cleo or heck, just elope.

Do You Know Joe?

Joe was so excited to be registered as a Utah voter for the 2012 election.

About a year ago, Joe and I were eating at Salt City Burger (insert plug for my friend Melissa and her family's restaurant) and this guy around our age approached the table.  He said, "You're Joe ______, right?"  I immediately thought, oh no, oh no, what has he done?  Joe, always the jokester said, "not if I'm in trouble, I'm not."  The guy then shook Joe's hand, introduced us to his family and went on and on how he followed Joe in his hockey career, had heard he moved to Utah, and had to come over and meet him.  What makes this story amusing to me is that few people (in Utah that is) know that Joe and hockey go together like Coca-Cola and tacos :)

In one of my favorite books of all time, The Last Lecture, the author, Randy Pausch, devotes a chapter to his dad being a war hero and not knowing about it.  Long after his father's death, Randy stumbles upon a medal of honor his father won in combat.  The last line particularly strikes me, "In all of these years, it just never came up."  I liken this story to Joe and many of the things he has accomplished in thirty-two years.  Quite often people say, "I didn't know you did _________," and Joe just shrugs his shoulders.  I guess "it just never came up."

Joe began playing hockey seriously at fifteen and excelled at the sport.  He wasn't the biggest or the fastest, but he had a unique skill that few can do: skate and shoot at the same time, when most players stop to shoot. Immediately after high school, Joe continued to play at the same level as the Utah Grizzlies are on, just for New Mexico and Montana.  He traveled around the country by himself playing a sport he loved for several years.  He had the opportunity to play with and against some of the biggest names in the NHL still to this day, and train with the San Jose Sharks, but funny enough, this just never comes up.  His dad gave him a framed article that reads "Benicia's Joe ______ Ices State Hockey Berth for Oakland."  Joe merely put it aside.  I thought the article was awesome, so I have it displayed downstairs in my basement.  "I didn't know Joe played hockey," several of my friends say when they see this article.  I simply shrug my shoulders and say, "that's Joe."

So needless to say, I would like to take this opportunity not to devulge secrets, but rather let you in on the things that "just never come up." 

• Joe is an avid reader of anything non-fiction.  The few opportunities we do have to eat dinner together, it is not uncommon for Joe to reference something he's read from memory, or pull out an article or a book to discuss.
• He has a pretty sweet comic book collection and keeps it in prestine condition.
• When his brother, Tommy, cracked his head open (literally), Joe was able to apply enough pressure that the doctor said he saved his life.  (Joe will talk about this gem, but I don't think you want to hear his version).
• He loves to play Keno with old people.  He can easily sit in the same chair, for four hours, betting on the same numbers, and have the time of his life.
• Joe will never pay over ten dollars for an article of clothing, and several of his clothes come from the D.I.    Everytime I hear the rap song "Thrift Shop," I think of him.
• He usually packs two lunches for work.  One to eat himself and one to share with someone who doesn't have one.
• No matter the store or occasion, Joe will always go up to little kids and start talking to him.  If kids are in a toy aisle playing with Nerf guns, somehow Joe ends up there too.
• He will NEVER hire someone to do something he can learn on YouTube himself.  In the past few months, he has: fixed his Honda, replaced broken pipes in his man den, replaced a toilet, chopped down part of a tree, rewired outlets, and built a door frame.
• Joe is by far the most supersticious person I've ever come across, especially when it comes to sports.  Unless you have a death wish, avoid telling him the score of a game.
• He eats at least one salad a day.
• Joe will never go anywhere without a bottle of water or soda.
• And my favorite comes from his dad, Tom.  He says, "Joe is always the first one ready and the last one in the car." 

So now you know Joe.

Six Years Strong

Joe and I will be getting married right around the time we met six years ago.  I firmly believe that time is the best indicator we have in determining a very important question: Will he/she still be there in the end?  I am a sucker for the classics (Jane Austen is a great example of this) in which a couple has fell madly in love, but time is what separates them.  Three hundred pages and twenty years later, the couple meets up again, with the same feelings they had twenty years ago.  So you may ask, "Why wait?"  But I will respond, "What's the rush?"

In six years, we've had successes, failures, excitement, and heartbreak. 



In 2012, we both had the flu for a week and completely forgot Valentine's Day.

 General Stats...

• We have each moved three times.
• We have each purchased a vehicle.
• We have been on five vacations together.
• We have celebrated every December watching Serendipity.
• We have celebrated every May 5 eating Kristin's favorite, tacos.
• We wear pajamas all day on Christmas Eve because "we can."
• We go to Wendover every New Year's Eve and leave right before midnight.
• Joe has been the manager at three of the four different companies he's worked for.
• Kristin received her master's degree.

Kristin graduating from Seattle Pacific University in 2011.

Because of Joe, Kristin now...

• Eats crab and lobster, but found out she was allergic to shellfish.
• Knows what asparagus is.
• Can name every NFL team and at least two players on each team.
• Knows how to do laundry (but hates it).
• Understands how to be prepared in case of a zombie apocalypse.
• Has watched every episode of the Sopranos and thoroughly enjoys the Godfather movies.

Because of Kristin, Joe now...

• Can name every Real Housewife and what city they represent.
• Tries to match his clothes at least 50% of the time.
• Can name several fashion designers.
• Knows the location of every Hobby Lobby, Michael's, and Del Taco.
• Uses a glue gun.
• Uses coupons for...everything.

Memorable Quotes...

• Kristin: Sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you can take me to the (SCREAM) E.R.?
• Kristin: I've done a lot of thinking, and I was wondering if I could get a 9th Christmas tree?
• Kristin: Mermaids aren't real.  At least I don't think they are.  Are mermaids real?
• Kristin: So I ripped my toe off and it's bleeding everywhere.  Do you think you can you carry me up to Amanda's to sign the contract?
• Joe: It's a PETE COAT.  Look it up!
• Joe: Are you kidding or serious?  I really hope you're kidding.  Please tell me you're kidding.
• Joe: Do I have to come down there?  I'll come down there right now.
• Joe: It would be an honor to have you as my wife.

Tough Stuff...

• Kristin's computer crashing the night of one of her graduate exams.
• The Colts losing the Super Bowl to the filthy Saints.
• Kidney Stones.
• Mike, the landlord, being murdered.
• Joe not working for Family Dollar.
• The case of the missing toenail.
• Wisdom Teeth.
• Losing House #1

The Best for Last...

• Kristin graduating with a master's degree.
• Disneyland with Joe's family.
• Joe being valedictorian of his IT class.
• Lil Beans Compound.
• July 7, 2013.

Uh-Oh!

You can tell a lot by a person's eyes...especially mine, and I'm not even possessed by the devil (yet).  I've been told I have "teacher eyes" and "death-ray eyes," just to name a few.  But those eyes remain intact and unscathed until something really horrible (in my eyes) happens.

To sidetrack for a moment, I must talk about a silly joke that Joe has with some of his siblings.  About a year ago, we all went to BYU to see his brother, Tommy, play hockey.  After the game, Joe wanted to go and meet Tommy in the locker room.  When Joe entered, a fellow player asked who he was, in which Joe responded that he was Tommy's brother.  The player then called to Tommy across the room that his brother was here.  Without missing a beat, Tommy asked, "does he look mean?" in which the player responded with, "yes."  We laughed and laughed because Joe really does have a rough exterior, to say the least.   But people who really know him know that he's actually not that way at all, unless poked by a large stick.  Earlier this year, when I was in the hospital for my kidney stones, and the doctor ordered an ultra-sound, I asked if Joe could come in with me.  The nurse politely asked, "no problem, what does he look like?"  My instant response was, "mean and over-protective."  The funniest thing of all is she said, "this is the Women's Center.  All the men in the waiting room look mean and over protective."  In short, Joe is completely harmless and someone that instantly makes people feel welcomed, appreciated, and taken care of.  He has more friends that I can count from all walks of life...he just looks mean.

And then there is me.  I present my way the best way I know possible, and think I look pretty approachable and kind, in which, I like to think, I am on most occasions.  I physically couldn't harm a fly, but I probably could make one cry if I really wanted to.  And these darn eyes have a life of their own.
Since we have known each other for six-years, Joe knows when I've reached my point.  If he can't figure it out, the eyes certainly notify him.  When we are in these situations, and I start to lose my cool, Joe very quietly says, "uh-oh."  He knows the wrath has been unleashed (and he is probably pleased it's not at him). 
Two times when I have really lost my cool was a year ago Christmas season, when my landlord (now deceased) let tenants stay in the town homes without paying, and he let them keep me up all hours of the day and night, and as an added bonus smoked cigarettes and pot as if we were in Amsterdam.  He had the nerve (on a way to a school function), to tell me that "everything was going to be ok."  Joe looked at him, looked at me, murmured, "uh-oh," and lets just say everyone finally heard what the quiet, little one really was thinking.

To spend a great deal of money on something always has extra stress, and extra eye-pops.  Is it going to be exactly how you wanted?  Is it worth all this money?  Will people appreciate it?  I think about that every day when I am planning my reception for my guests to enjoy.  On a snowy-filled Thursday evening, Joe and I had an appointment with one of our vendors, of which we were spending a lot of money on.  The drive to their office was horrible, because it was rush hour, a blizzard, and in that freaky place called Utah County.  We arrived with a few minutes to spare, met with the owner; everything seemed to be going fine.  Now enters Couple #2.  Couple #2 immediately gave me the death stare.  Why was I sitting in their seat?  Is their wedding going to be better than ours?  All of this nonsense I could sense through their eyes; maybe it's true maybe it's not, but it certainly makes for a better story.

The owner immediately became flustered and started scrambling through papers on his disgusting desk.  "I never overbook.  One of you is here on the wrong date."  Suddenly, everyone looks at me.  Oh no, they didn't.  He looks up his calendar, immediately stares at me, and simply says, "you are here on the wrong day."  Couple #2 gives a funny little smirk, and as you guessed, Joe whispers, "uh-oh."

What happened in the following five minutes happened so fast, I can't remember it all, scary to say.  I feverishly sifted through my wedding book and furnished not one, not two, but three email confirmations signed by the owner himself. One even from the day previous! Joe just stared at the floor and I could hear myself getting louder and louder.  I gave him the speech of a lifetime: he shouldn't accuse his customers, he should be more organized, how dare he not take my word for it and insinuate I'm stupid, and on, and on, and on.  I then briefly paused, gave him my death ray eyes, and simply stated, "You have two choices.  We can pick another vendor, or you can give us a deal of a lifetime."  Needless to say, we got the deal of a lifetime.  As I exited that room for Couple #2, their eyes, which first met mine twenty minutes ago with a feeling of power, now were glued to the floor.

We got into the car and Joe just immediately started laughing.  "I'm so glad that wasn't me," he laughed.  Looks can be deceiving.  Always be weary of the wee one with "the eyes."

Tip #2: It's all about the number

"How many?"  Is the first and may be the only question a vendor asks you when you begin planning your wedding and reception.  Don't be fooled that you can move forward until this number exists.  There are many ways a couple determines how many they want to invite.  I'm not going to talk about couples, however.  I'm going to talk about what I did.

Having OCD has it's moments.  In wedding planning, it has actually served me well.  In social functions, not so much.  At the end of the day though, I would rather have a fabulous wedding than to say I was at the latest movie. Most recently, Joe and I were planning on going to a movie.  We were running late, and I can't go if it means I will miss the previews.  I really start having a fit.  So there I was, sitting in the car, holding on to my door handle, not moving a muscle. Joe started yelling and then realized it all fell upon deaf ears.  Needless to say, we haven't missed any movie or its previews since, and my blood pressure has returned to normal.

Me and my OCD love spreadsheets.  It's great to be organized!  I asked Joe's parents, my parents, and Joe to make a list of all the people they wanted to invite.  This list I then put into a spreadsheet.  The spreadsheet includes: person's name, address, relationship, and how many people from that particular invitation do they believe will come.  This is the first way I began to generate my ideal number.  Always remember one invitation does not mean one person.  It could mean zero or even six!  After I compiled all of these lists together, I began my own, and through the approximations came up with a number that works for us...350.  Everything was going fine until a list was missed and suddenly 350 jumped to 390, as did my blood pressure.

What do you do at this point?  Do you pay the extra cost or stick with your number?  If you read my previous post on budget, you know what I did...let's begin the cut.

This is where the section in your spreadsheet entitled "relationship" comes in handy.  If that box stated "family," they are still in.  If the box stated "close friend," they are still in.  If the box was left blank, or had "acquaintance" or "coworker," then this is where you need to look.  Whoever the spreadsheet guru is may want to be in charge, or in my case, I asked everyone to make some cuts.  I felt that it's better that they cut than me.  They know the people and understand the relationship.  Me?  I'm ruthless. 

After two days, we are back to that magic 350.  At this point, some of you may be thinking how the heck does she know it's going to be exactly 350?  The answer is: I don't.  But I am willing to bet money I am within twenty.  An OCDer always has justifications, and here are mine.

Top Three Reasons I will be within Twenty Guests...

1. 60% of my guests are confirmed.  You can do Save the Dates for this, or in my case, JUST ASK THEM!

2. I have created three versions of this infamous spreadsheet that accounts for said over/under factor.  This includes: possible vacations, children, spouses, etc. and other various scenarios that my crazy mind was thinking that particular day. And don't worry, each version is color-coded and I carry it in my purse to adjust regularly.  Go ahead and laugh.

3. I had a trial-run: my Open-House.  For those of you who do an engagement party, this is a great way to determine future wedding attendees.  At my open-house I invited seventy-six.  Total in attendance: seventy.  So that whole theory of "only 1/3 of your invited guests will actually attend" just went out the window in my case, didn't it?

So in summation, determine a number, stick to that number, and for goodness sakes, invite the people who will give the best gifts first! Only kidding, or am I?

Tip #1: Be a Budget-Conscious Bride

You have champagne taste and a beer budget.  What do you do if you are getting married? Drink the darn beer or go thirsty!  Your pockets and parents will thank me later.

One of the first decisions you need to make with hopefully, money-minded individuals, is exactly how much money you are allocating for your wedding and who is going to pay for what.  What I find the most disturbing in the many wedding situations I've come across is this: Bride's are Clueless.  Why you ask?  Because they are not the one's paying for it.  If that isn't all sorts of screwed up, I don't know what is.

Families function in different ways and some families pay for the wedding as a gift for their daughter.  Traditionally, a bride's family pays for the wedding.  But does that mean that she can go hog wild and send her parents to the poor house?  I certainly hope not.  There is a billboard by Layton Hills Mall that once read, "Daughter Getting Married?  Take out a second mortgage with us today!"  This is why people have the financial burdens that they do.  They are paying for a lifestyle that they can't afford now and will certainly bite them in the bottom for the next ten years.  As Dave Ramsey states, "don't buy things you don't need, with money you don't have, to impress people you don't like.  And as we all know, there are lots of people that come to weddings that we really don't like :-)

Since Joe and I are older, and both of us have been out on our own for quite some time, it just made sense for us to pay for it.  It's expensive.  It's stressful.  It sucks.  Why would I want to put my parents through that?  It is JUST.TOO.MUCH.  Besides, if they pay for my wedding, what type of inheritance will that leave for me?  Haha.

Whether you are a bride who is paying for it yourself or a bride who has been graced by the money tree in your parents backyard, please be budget-conscious.  What I mean by budget-conscious is to stick to what your original plan was and make no exceptions EVER.  If you allocated $1,500 for a wedding dress for example, don't even think about trying on a dress that is $2,000.  Chances are, you will love the $2,000 dress and then instantly, your budget just went up $500, and that is not fair to the person paying for the dress.  Don't put them in that situation.  Stick to your budget if you plan on having positive relationships with people, not things, in the future.

As you plan your wedding, be aware of what things cost.  A wedding can be as small or as extravagent as you want, but every layer of extravagence added is at a cost to you.  And no offense, this is generally not the groom's strongest area.  I told Joe how much our photographer cost and he completely flipped out (despite it being a killer deal).  I asked him what he thought we should pay for a photographer and his response, "One-hundred bucks."  Rrriiiiggghhhttt.  He then said that a wedding dress should be anywhere between fifty to seventy-five dollars.  See what I mean?  Let's just say it's been a eye-opening/popping experience for him.

Once you select one of your biggest purchases, the venue, see what they provide.  Are they all-inclusive or do you need to bring in outside vendors?  Do these vendors have partnerships with each other?  If they do, you will usually get a discout.  As your interviewing vendors, remember it is their job to upsell you, and your job to stay in budget.  Every little bow that you think is precious and will just make or break your decor is for a price, my darlings.  Make sure it's worth it.

What's in a Name?

When women's rights advocate, Lucy Stone, decided to marry Henry Browne Blackwell in the 1850s, she kept her maiden name. By the year 1990, 23% of women followed Stone's lead. Now twenty-three years later, that percentage has dwindled drastically and only 8% of women keep their maiden name (theknot.com). So what exactly is in a name? Is it a personal preference, a familial obligation, or just a long day spent at the DMV?

I love my name, and I always have. Few people have my name (except for a professional jump-roper in Germany) and even fewer can pronounce it. To me, it's not just a name. It's my great-grandparents, my grandparents, my father. It's the street sign in Germany which I proudly stood under while my friends took my picture at just sixteen years old. It's studying the German language for six years so I could understand the insults and swear words my grandfather gave to news anchors on the television. I love everything that my name posesses both past and present. But unfortunately, the long line of fiesty, independent, and sometimes too honest of beings who were graced with this name will soon come to an end. My grandfather had just one son and his son had just one child...a daughter. That daughter was me.

If my German heritage wasn't enough to sway my decision, may I now introduce to the room my nickname: Fred. I love my nickname, Fred, for a variety of reasons. It's simple, memorable, and it is pretty darn cool to say the least. Many people have nicknames and depending upon the circumstance, they may have several. I, however, just have one. I respond to Fred more than my first name, and I don't think twice when writing it. What makes it more special to me than any of my reasons previously listed is that it came from my first year of students...the Class of 2008. I've taken this name as a term of endearment and respect. Of loving me (in a non-creepy way, of course). Fred is my job that I continue to love and be blessed with. If I could embrace just one four letter word for the rest of my life, Fred would be it.

I truly "Feel the Fred." 

My decision would be much easier if Joe had a silly last name (I will let you determine what you deem as silly). But like mine, his has roots that stem beyond Napa, California and Cherry Hill, New Jersey. His last name is cioppinno from his grandfather, Oakland A's baseball games with his mom, seafood on Christmas Eve, and owning the deluxe edition of The Godfather (cue the music here). He may not have the premium olive oil skin that he claims, but his name is as Italian as they come. And not Italian like Olive Garden/Jersey Shore Italian. Italian like we will squeeze your cheeks and kiss your lips off one minute and tell you to go $#(!&# yourself with hands waving the next.

Joe felt that I should keep my name. I like it, he doesn't mind it, and I'm just plain and simple Fred (even when we are out in public and someone yells, "Fred!" he's not so creeped out). But then I realized that Fred will always be my name because it's who I am and what I feel inside. One student remarked, "it's kind of like you are going through an identity crisis, huh Fred?" Why yes, yes it is. So in short and simple terms, just like Fred implies, I will always and forever be Fred. It reminds me of my German heritage; it reminds me of my students. For legal purposes, however, I will adopt Joe's last name because his family is made of good stuff too, like pasta fagioli.