What Bugs a Bridezilla

Last night I sent my mom a text.  It read, This is turning into another Bridezilla week.  Her reply: Oh Lord.  It is only Tuesday.  It will be ok, don't let stupid people get to you. Some days, weeks, and months, are better than others, I suppose.  October through December was bridezilla-filled, and I think I'm getting that way again.  I think I'm doing a great job at masking it, but it's poor Joe and my mom who have to hear about it via phone call or through 100 text messages.  There are certain parts that I'm freaking out over and I don't know why.  Joe's infamous reply is usually, "What is it exactly that you are stressing over?" or "So?  Who cares!"  That's the part where I start screaming back, "I care!  Why am I the only one who cares?  Why aren't you listening to me!"  That is typical bridezilla-gone-nuts, or in my case, a Tuesday.

There is one month, three weeks, and one day to go, to be exact.  I am ready (for the most part), but my new-found stress is I am not confident that everyone else is.  Maybe I should just remind my vendors for a fourth time. Maybe I need to invite people verbally before the invitations go out.  Maybe people think they have plenty of time to figure it out.  I'm here to tell you that it is coming sooner than you think so if you have issues, concerns, questions, speak now, or put on your big boy/girl pants and figure it out.

We had the DJ finalization on Saturday (but I'm sure I will finalize my finalization at least two more times).  Like all of my vendors, he is completely awesome and showers me with compliments to help lower the crazy.  After I furnished him with a copy of the play list, detailed with song, artist, what hour-block to play each song in, and how long each song is, he said, "with your personality, I can't fathom anything will go wrong, because I could see you actually killing a person."  Joe started laughing hysterically, and I replied with, "thank you."  In my head, I was quickly revisiting my other conversations with my vendors and hoped that I struck the fear of God into them as well.  I'm really not worried (that much) about the vendors because of two things: I remind them every chance I get what day/time it is, and I made sure to get the owner/manager of each to come to the event instead of a regular employee.  To me, everyone needs to start somewhere, but unfortunately, I'm not taking a chance on my wedding; I need a professional, thank you.

The DJ asked me what I thought a perfect wedding was.  My reply was simple, "I want all of my guests to have a wonderful time."  He felt that was unusual.  "Don't you want to have a good time?" He asked.  "I will if they will, but I don't want anyone to be bored, or hot, or hungry, or mad.  I want them all to have a nice time."  So hopefully, my guests will have just that: a genuinely, nice time.

I think that everyone can take away one positive and one negative aspect of every wedding and reception that he/she has attended.  It's all about the couple's personality, and of course, budget, but my gosh, are some people tacky!  And then there's others that you didn't expect to be classy, and they were!  Listed below are things I personally dislike, but it's your wedding, your business, and only you (and the social media world) will have the photos of the glorious/hideous event that will remind you forever!

Things that bug this Bridezilla:

• When save-the-dates are nicer than the actual invitation.
• Invitations being sent out closer to the event than four weeks.
• Engagement photos that show too much PDA.
• Engagement photos that are just tacky (bad colors, poor positions, outfit choice, etc.).
• Long lines that include bridesmaids and groomsmen (what do you say to them)?
• Long lines because people are yapping (I promise not to).
• Skimpy/tacky food (the couple shouldn't make people drive AND get dressed up for a stupid fruit kabob).
• Several toasts made throughout the evening.
• Crazy DJ's constantly plugging their business.
• Pictures of the bride and groom EVERYWHERE.
• Baby pictures/video of the bride and groom growing up.  Do your guests really care about what you looked like in the 3rd grade?
• When guests bring all of their kids and plan on using your event for their all-you-can-eat dinner buffet.
• If you're going to have cupcakes, have a regular cake as well.  This tells me it's a reception, not a birthday party.
• When guests and/or bridal party take off their shoes and walk/dance around.
• Guests who have something important going on in their lives and somehow the attention gets shifted on them instead.
• Vases that have fake pebbles, rocks, or glass beads in them as the table decorations.
• Hypertext (quotes, names, any type of text everywhere).
• When guests try and tell your vendors what to do.
• Too many DIY projects gone wrong.  If I can simmer myself down and realize that I can't do everything...you can as well.  Just because you took a good picture in junior high does NOT make you a photographer...just because you made cupcakes for a birthday party does NOT make you a cake designer.
• Thank You Notes.  I can count the amount of thank you notes I've received on one hand.  Rest assured, you will receive one because it's the right thing to do.

After all is said and done, there will be things at my own wedding that I wish I could have done better.   But feel free to tell me it was wonderful just the same.

Is it Better to be Lucky Than Good?

"It's better to be lucky than good," says Lamar Gillett, the only P-35 pilot in World War II to shoot down a Japanese Zero. "I was lucky I was behind the Zero instead of in front of him. I was lucky when I landed back at Clark that the guys who were shooting at me didn't give enough lead. I was lucky my C.O. on Bataan sent me to Corregidor to get the chewing-out he was in for and wasn't there for the shelling that killed him." As a survivor of the Bataan Death March and three years of Japanese captivity, two years of it spent as a slave on Shikoku, Lamar Gillett is a lucky man indeed (Cleaver).

Some people have all the luck.

Joe and I always arrive at the same conclusion, but our paths getting there couldn't be more different.  I vowed never to enter into a relationship with someone whose future was unknown.  The mere idea of it was incredibly scary for a planner such as myself.    Then, enter Joe.  Six years ago, he was managing his family's restaurant when the economy took a turn for the worst and people stopped going out to eat.  I was at the restaurant nearly every day towards the end, and the fewer the people that came, the more I saw the hurt in Joe's eyes.  I didn't know what was next, but Joe certainly did.

Joe never mentioned if he was scared, or depressed, or worried, but then again, I worried enough for the both of us.  All I know is I got a call one day during the summer while I was in New York, and Joe told me he was going to be a manager of Family Dollar.  "I was just at the right place at the right time."  And so the story of Joe, the lucky one, continues.

After working for Family Dollar for three years, he was told that he had reached the top.  "There's no room for advancement, so I have to try something else."  He was optimistic, I was worried...again.  Would he be able to find something he enjoyed?

And then he did it...again.  A new restauranteur in Salt Lake asked for Joe's help setting up his new restaurant.  It seemed like the perfect match and Joe seemed happy...at first.  But then the restaurant started failing.  It had nothing to do with Joe, but he took responsibility for it and I think it reminded him of his own restaurant.  It was time for Joe to move on. 

"I want to change my career path," Joe said one evening.  Secretly dying inside I asked him what he wanted to do.  "I want to build computers and fix them.  I want to work in an office and have a desk."  I couldn't wrap my head around this.  Joe was the outgoing guy, the funny guy, the sports guy.  Joe was a customer service guy, a salesman, a crowd pleaser.  He wanted to work with computers all day, at a desk, by himself?  I thought he was joking. 

And so I watched.  He began reading manuals about computers.  He asked his friend, a computer programmer, to help him.  He literally started tearing apart computers and putting them back together again just so he could see how they worked.  And then people started asking him to do the same thing with their computers!  And they paid him!  I can count things I am good at on one hand, and then there's Joe...self-taught computer programmer plus many others.

And then, almost three months ago, Joe called me again.  "Guess what?  he screamed.  "I'm applying for a job where I get to help people with broken technology put it back together again!  Wish me luck!"  And so I did.  That night, after work, Joe and I had dinner together.  "So how did the interview go?"  I asked.  He began telling me of the typical questions asked in interviews and then a long saga about how he had to put a computer together in ten minutes.  "It was awesome!"  He said.  And then he told me that they asked him where he saw himself in the future.  "I told them that in three months I wanted to be one of the suits running this joint," Joe laughed.  I sat there...shocked.  I didn't know if I was going to throw up or smack him!  "Tell me you're joking," I begged.  "Nope," Joe continued.  "And they gave me a job!"  I couldn't believe it.  He did it again.

For the past two months, Joe has loved his job.  He gets to fix customer's internet, phone, and satellite, and, his favorite: he gets to sit in an office with a view of the Salt Lake Valley.  Fast forward to Friday, May 10.  I get another phone call.  "You will never guess what?"  Joe questioned.  "Remember how I told them in ninety days I wanted to be one of the people running this place?  Well I am!  I am!  I got promoted!"  This time my stomach didn't hurt.  I wasn't worried, or irritated, or annoyed.  I was proud.  He advanced three levels and became the boss to his boss' boss.  The best thing about it: his ninety-day anniversary is this week.

I'm not sure if Joe is lucky or good or a little bit of both.  But I do know that I took a chance and got lucky myself this time.

The Power of Moms

My mom, the magician.

My mom has magic powers.  She can make the smallest success seem monumental, and the worst day feel so much better.  My mom never knows what she is going to get when I walk in her door.  I go to her with good news, bad news, sad news, and even no news.  She is always the first to know everything because I couldn't imagine not getting her advice, her cheerfulness, and her hugs to make it all better.  I have driven to her house late at night and early in the morning...my mom's door is always open not only to me, but to everyone.  Everyone can count on my mom, and we should all be so lucky that she is part of our lives. In short, my mom just "gets it." I can be having a really bad day and all I want to do is cry or yell, but I don't; I end up driving to my mom's house, and the minute I see her face, I burst into tears.  She has the magic touch to make everything in life seem better, and with her immediate hug and a taco or two, I forget all of my troubles until the next incident happens, and there she is again, picking up the pieces.

I think the best quality of my mom is her ability to listen.  I am very dramatic with some (most) of my stories, and she listens to all of my nonsense and is genuinely interested!  And let's get real.  I have come up with some crazy ideas, and she always says, "oh, that sounds nice," or, "that's a good idea, why don't you try it?"  Never, EVER has my mom said, "you can't do that."  My dreams have been her dreams, and because of her, many of them have come true. 

The countless things that my mom does for myself and others cannot even be measured, because quite frankly, she doesn't tell people about most of them.  One day she asked if we could go to Wal-Mart so she could buy school supplies for a class in need.  She's taught me that if you have to get recognition for the service you do, then you probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place.  She always puts everyone else before herself, but unlike some people who would naturally build up resentment, she gets happiness from seeing others happy and taken care of. 

About a year ago, my mom took herself to the doctor because she wasn't feeling well (she doesn't like to bother anyone).  She had incredibly high blood pressure and was almost hospitalized.  For the first time, my mom said to me, "I'm really scared."  She's often scared about my grandpa or the shenanigans I'm up to, but she was scared for herself this time.  She committed to a healthier lifestyle, and her reason was so she could be around for everyone else.  I don't think that many people wake up and say, "I'm never going to eat anything with lots of sodium again," but she did and she has maintained that lifestyle for a year now, never slipping up, even around the holidays.  She is inspirational for many things: her kindness, her selflessness, her dedication; I am just so glad that she is mine.

My mom is my best friend; and no, I don't think that's weird.  We spend time together usually at least twice a week, and we have done so for years now.  In every way possible, we try to rearrange our schedules so we can spend this time together, even if we don't end up doing anything but talking.  But we also go on many adventures together: craft shows, book stores, nurseries, and even sometimes we just eat tacos and take a nap!  My mom is always up for anything (as long as it doesn't require her driving on the freeway).  This wedding will be yet another adventure we get to take together.  I am so glad I get to share it with her.  She didn't have her mom when she got married, so it is even more special for us to celebrate this moment together.  She is my best mom and I am her favorite daughter.

My almost mother-in-law aka Supermom.

Have you ever heard the phrase about a man marrying someone exactly like their mother?  Joe got pretty dang close (even though he has just realized it).  Nancy and I are two peas in a pod.  We both teach the same subjects and the same grades.  We both had red hair when we were born, and we are both blonde now.  We both cry at parades and fireworks and whatever else strikes our fancy at the time.  We both laugh at corny jokes.  We both get riled up over the smallest things.  We both fully admit that Joe drives us crazy!

Nancy was the second to last person I met.  I met her at Joe's restaurant.  I was eating at one table; she was at the table next to mine.  Nearly an hour later, Joe came out and said, "by the way, this is my mom."  I almost peed my pants, and if I were to guess, she did too.  Great introduction, Joe.  Through conversation, I learned that she was a teacher and taught the same subject as me (another thing that Joe could have brought to my attention.  Keep in mind, we had dated two years at this point!).  From then on, she was always extremely nice to me and made me feel like I was part of the family. 

Nancy has four children: two boys, two girls.  Watching her at holidays or dinners, she has this ability to give them all the attention they need.  Similar to my mom, she puts everyone else's needs in front of her own.  I frequently say to her that the family would fall apart if it wasn't for her.  She is certainly the glue that holds everyone together (whether they like it or not).  Why I think Joe and Nikki are similar, they all need to be "handled" differently, if that makes sense.  Nancy can do this and do this flawlessly.  She even changes her posture and her tone of voice depending upon which child she is talking to.  Even though I will be her daughter-in-law, she makes me feel like I am one of her own, and never separates the fact that I am "marrying" in.  She also is fine with the fact that I am and always will be the favorite, and flatters me by telling me I am.  She is Supermom, and I am her favorite.

*****

This post would not be complete if I didn't properly thank my School Mom.  My School Mom, Debbi, has six children of her own, but at school, her kids allow her to be on loan to me.  Sometimes I just need a "mom" to talk to right then, to help me see something I may not have seen before, to calm me down, or just to listen to me.  Debbi is the best at this.  She has the kindest heart and genuinely loves her job, her students, and me.  I always love to go in and talk to her; she makes me feel at home.  We talk about the funniest things just as much as we talk about the serious things.  Debbi has given me the best advice through the years regarding school, Joe, and my wedding.  Work doesn't feel whole without her there, and just knowing she is down the hall gives me great comfort (even if that sounds weird).  My life is truly better with her in it, and I wish her and her family the best that life has to offer.

Debbi is my School Mom, but I also want to wish a fabulous Mother's Day to two other moms who give me great comfort at school, and I am so thankful that they have taken me under their wing and listen to my craziness.  Sherri C. and Sherri J. have the funniest personalities.  I enjoy their sarcasm and talking to them in person or ranting via email.  I feel like all of these wonderful ladies have raised me in the past eight years, and I hope I make them proud.

Happy Mother's Day!

Love,

Kristin

Confessions of an OCD Bride

Two weeks ago, I woke up early for a Saturday.  The first thought I had in my head was, “My dress!”  I immediately got dressed and drove to Layton just to inquire.  Yes, I could have phoned, but I needed to see for myself where my dress was, was it going to be here in time for my alterations, etc.  I went in the store wound up, to say the least.  After the sales lady actually let me get on her computer to track it for myself, I calmed down.  “Sorry,” I said.  “I just find one thing to obsess over, and I won’t stop until I figure it out.”  “It happens all of the time,” she smiled.  “Don’t worry.”

It happens all of the time.  So I am “normal,” right?  Maybe not so much.  You see, I would like to say that my compulsiveness all has to do with the wedding, but I’m usually always like this no matter what the circumstance.  Just ask my mom.  My mom has been through my episodes where I would go late to school if my bangs weren’t perfect, or I wouldn’t go to bed until I found white socks that matched each other perfectly.  I would also reorganize her living room decorations until everything was symmetrical.  Because that is certainly normal…right?

As I’ve gotten older, it unfortunately has gotten worse.  So bad even, that it starting impacting my sleep.  I couldn’t sleep because I was always, always thinking or…reorganizing.  I couldn’t turn it off no matter what I tried.   Joe took me to the doctor and the doctor explained that I have anxiety and also OCD.  I was hoping for something to just help me sleep, but it wasn’t that easy.

So naturally, I freaked out.  I saw those people on television.  Counting stairs, washing their hands compulsively, not leaving their house.  Was I that bad?  This is where I had to change my thinking.  Everyone has their “thing” even if it’s no”thing” at all.  My “thing” is organization and planning.  If it’s straight and symmetrical, I’m ok.  If not, I will think about it, and think about it, and think about it.  Some people have certain triggers: change in routine, sickness, high stress at work, but unfortunately, we haven’t been able to narrow mine down.  For example, why did I suddenly wake up thinking “my dress?”  

I was happy to learn (by happy I mean relieved) that most people have certain levels of both anxiety and OCD.  Who knew?  Again, some people can turn it off and some people have it dictate their whole lives.  I’d like to think I’m a fully functioning individual.  I just go through these processes that few people see that help me get through certain circumstances.  I can go weeks without a single episode, or I can have several things happen in a day.  And usually, it never happens at school.

Joe looked at this for the first several years as me just being dramatic (which I am, but not in this case) and teased me about it.  “What’s the big deal?”  He would say.  Big deal?  Big deal?  His reaction would just infuriate me.  It wasn’t until these past two years especially he could see it, and could see that I couldn’t turn it off as much as I would try.  Imagine getting a phone call of me crying saying that I’m in Salt Lake and I can’t drive because there are too many cars on the road.  Since then, Joe has gotten it.

Some of the drawbacks of this whole thing (besides the nonsense listed above) is the fact that I never know when it’s going to happen.  I could be fine one minute, and immediately have an “episode” the next.  I can’t say to a person, “I was fine a few seconds ago, but now my heart is pounding out of my chest and I feel like I’m going to faint or vomit or both…but great party!”  Yeah right.  But that is an extreme case and rarely occurs.  But on the positive side, I have gained a lot. I don’t know anyone who has a cleaner house than me (and I actually enjoy making it that way), I’m on a routine, I’m very dependable, and I always keep my word (even if I have to leave early because I freak out).   

Lucky for me, my OCD has never let me down when it comes to planning my wedding either. If I could plan other people’s weddings on the side I would gladly do it because I love the organization of it (and the control)! Currently, everything is already done for my wedding and my event is two months away!  I’m not saying that I’m an over-achiever, I’m saying that that is normal functioning for me, and anything else is unacceptable…for me.  And for that, I thank OCD.  I have kept records for my vendors and have also memorized account numbers. I know everyone who is coming and have one list with me in my purse at all times (naturally, I have three copies).  This may not be your normal but this most certainly is mine…my confessions of an OCD Bride.

A Girl Named Honey Glaze

Me and Nikki in Disneyland.
 

Nikki, my soon-to-be sister-in-law, got engaged this week.  When she left to work for Disney World in January, everyone was sad.  In the car ride home, I told Joe, “I’m not sad that Nikki is leaving, I am sad that she will never come back.”  Joe said I was crazy for saying something so ridiculous, but I just had this feeling, and I was right.  Nikki and her fiancé, Anthony, are going to live in Florida.  I hope they will have a second bedroom for me with possibly a shrine to Baby Ariel or Kittykins.

Nikki was the last person of Joe’s family that I met.  I actually didn’t meet her until we had been dating for two years!  Joe and Nikki have had a so-called  “strained” relationship, but when I would ask Joe for specifics, he couldn’t give them to me.  When I first met her, I was attracted to her fun personality and how she is always so excited about everything.  She also doesn’t give a hoot what people think which is such an awesome and rare trait to have.  I instantly loved Nikki.

Over time, Nikki and I spent more and more time together, and the more time I spent with Nikki, Joe also spent with Nikki.  Sometimes I would have to work on school work, so Joe and Nikki would just hang out, go to lunch, or go to the movies.   Both of them starting coming around about their feelings for each other.

As for Nikki and I, we can laugh and laugh hard at the most ridiculous things.  Nearly every time we are together, I start laughing so hard I cry.  She just gets this look and I completely lose it.  We have these silly little jokes like “magnum” and “sister wives” that no one gets but us and it’s the best!  Sometimes, Joe and Nikki’s mom, Nancy, has to separate the both of us.  We feed off of each other’s ridiculousness.

Last summer, Nikki was my nurse during my toe incident and would sleep over.  We’ve endured the twelve hour Gone with the Wind saga, and survived a murderer/rapist in a grungy hotel in Disneyland.   She was the first person (aside from the mom’s) that we called when we got engaged, and I was the first person she called.  If I could only share my engagement period with one person, I would choose Nikki, and that has come true.

When Nikki left for Disney World, Joe started bringing her up more and more and calling her more than he has ever called anyone.  What she enjoys to talk about on the phone and what he enjoys to talk about on the phone are so opposite, but it works for them.  One time I heard Joe say, “don’t talk to me about this guy, I’m trying to tell you about my car!” As strange as that sounds, that is just Joe and Nikki.

At dinner one night, I finally burst out, “The reason why I love Nikki so much is because she is exactly like you!”  Joe just sat there perplexed.  They are both very funny, incredibly social, and have more friends than I will ever have in my lifetime.  They both are very passionate and will fight until the end for something that they wholeheartedly believe in.  The only difference I see is that where Joe is more logical, Nikki is more emotional.  Other than that, they are two peas in a pod and probably haven’t realized it until this post.

When I told Joe to call her last night so she could tell him she had just gotten engaged, Joe said, “no matter what, she deserves only the best and all of the happiness in the world.  After all, she is my little sister.”  So congrats to you, Honey Glaze.  Love your Snicklefritz and Big Brother.