The Horrifyingly Awkward Bachelor Finale

We tried to like you, Juan Pablo.  And by we, I mean the millions of Americans who watched the show even though you said you wanted to be left alone.  So we watched, week after week,  hour after dreadful hour.  At first, I chalked up your arrogance and awkwardness around the groups of women and inappropriate twitter messages to a culture thing.  But then I realized jerks inhabit all cultures.  Juan Pablo, you have more issues than the Playboy Magazine that I'm sure you partake in.  You officially beat Brad Womack, and are the worst Bachelor ever.  ABC has some serious damage control to do.

So let's get a few things straight, and I'll be brief because thinking about the lost hours I spent on your pathetic excuse for a human being's second chance of love has really driven me crazier than I already am.

1. The way to a woman's heart is not through sexual comments whispered when the microphones are off.  It's a reality show.  We know what you said.

2. You don't have to be in "love" with a girl after two months of taping and four months of hiding, but saying "it's a private matter," on national television makes a relationship with you sound just as awful as your continued use of "it's ok."

3. Accusing the host of interrupting you twice when you aren't answering the questions at hand is not interrupting.  It's steering you back on course to make this last hour somewhat tolerable.  (Sorry Chris Harrison, it failed anyway).

4. Asking people you want to be left alone now that the show is over is impossible. You signed up to be wined, dined, and have twenty-seven women meet your every demand. If America fell in love with you and supported your actions, you wouldn't mind the spotlight, but now that we are holding you accountable for your actions, it's our fault for not leaving you be.  

5. You mentioned that your plans changed just last week after the former contestants came back and said what a scumbag you were.  Could it be that you weren't offered a place on the new season of Dancing with the Stars or any other follow-up reality show that changed these plans?  The equation is simple: actions = consequences.

Just like you don't "want" attention, we don't "want" to see you, hear you, or even speak your name.  But we will pack your bags for you and gleefully send you and the Biebs back to where you came from.  We already have enough nonsense in America, "ok?"


Further commentary: After I crawled out from under my blanket which I used to hide during the completely awkward moments, I give the host, Chris Harrison, props for not telling Juan Pablo that he was a complete moron and ruined the show entirely.  Furthermore, ABC has already made arrangements in casting the new Bachelorette, Andi, who is a spitfire, an assistant district attorney in Atlanta, and owns a gun. Why is she so fabulous, you ask? She is going to make mince meat out of any men who even attempt to pull a Juan Pablo.

And for a teachable moment (doesn't everyone make The Bachelor into teachable moments?), today in class, students were peer reviewing each others literature reviews.  We discussed the term "honest feedback" in which I told the students to not be a Juan Pablo-ite.  The students laughed and no further discussion was needed.  It's simple really: honesty, not rudeness, is always the best policy.

Marriage is Bliss?

My news feed as of late has been clogged of wedded-bliss bloggers and their counterparts--the sarcastic and sassy singles.  Another current trend is the reposting of tragic love stories: one person dies and then their spouse soon follows, or even worse, a tragic ending of a married couple who never really revealed how much they truly cared for their partner until it was too late, leaving them single, empty, and harboring negative feelings. I naturally read all of it, amidst the occasional eye rolls and frequent tears.

But I have to admit: I don't believe it.  I'm not a psychologist by any means, but is it possible that blogging about how great your marriage is or how great being single is, is really you convincing yourself that your lifestyle is valid?  I would certainly hope your self-worth isn't measured by the marital status question you check on your income tax forms, but typically, I digress.

If you feel inferior as a spouse or a singleton, you are not alone.  Society has painted a beautiful Thomas Kinkade painting of a white picket fence, an over-sized dog named Buck, and a happily-ever-after family of a mom, a dad, and two kids--one boy and one girl, naturally.  The dad works 9-5, the mom stays home, and the kids both play soccer on their beautifully manicured lawn.  In the summer, they go to their lake house for two weeks, and for Christmas, they host a perfect party for their perfect friends who all have perfect teeth.The singletons scoff at this picture but lay awake wondering: when is it going to be my turn?  Those that are married wonder, how did I get so off track?

But then there is the other painting.  The one with a girl far skinnier and prettier than we want her to be, who is on some remote beach in a teeny, tiny bikini, surrounded by hot, abbed men, serving her fruity drinks with umbrellas adorning the top accompanied by an exotic cheese tray.  And they are all laughing at something that we are not privileged enough to know the humor of.  Worst of all, this painting is taken during the work week in the middle of winter.  I look at this picture, quickly turn away, and then find myself looking back at it hating each of them, their abbed and tanned bodies, and their fruity drinks.  I secretly want them to get stuck on the island...forever, all while gaining an obscene amount of weight.

What is the lesson to be learned in these hypothetical paintings that we tend to obsess over?  That, quite frankly, I'm not sure.  Maybe it's our desire to want more.  Maybe we want what don't think we can ever have.  Maybe we thought we wanted something and now we want something else.  Maybe we think that everyone else's life is better than our own.  Regardless if you are single, married, or "it's complicated," relationships are tough.

I have only been married for seven months and I am the first to admit that I find the wedded-bliss bloggers completely full of it.  Why?  Because marriage is hard.  The happiest time of my life was the year I was engaged.  Joe and I got to plan our wedding together and we had something to look forward to all year.  Then, suddenly, everything changed.  You're married and all of your guests go back home.  Your milestone was just another event to your guests to cross off the calendar.  So there you sit...both of you... together...forever.  I for one felt completely overwhelmed by that very thought.  Even though we dated for six years almost to the date we got married, things change.  I wish there was a handbook for this "forever" nonsense.

One of my favorite movies is Riding in Cars with Boys starring Drew Barrymore.  In one scene, she is crying to her toddler son.  She says, "I'm a terrible mother," and then the young boy starts crying and simply says, "yeah."  That conversation was similar to one I had with Joe in which I said, "I'm a terrible wife."  His reply, slightly reassuring was, "You'll get better."

The hardest part for me is that he is always there.  I know, a shocking line to type, let alone admit to.  This really is a good thing, unless you're an only child, and an independent (bossy) woman, such as myself.  I would go to the craft store, and he would call.  "Where are you?"  Joe would ask.  "Why?"  I would quickly snap back.  "I just wanted to see if you are ok," he replied.  That is so nice and many girls probably want this out of their own relationship.  But oh no, not me.  I was wondering why he was "spying" on me.  Until one day, he didn't call.  I was gallivanting about for hours.  So I called him.  "Don't you want to know where I am?"  I questioned.  "No," he said, "it seemed to bother you."  So then what did I do?  I got mad at him for not wanting to know where I was.  See? I'm a terrible wife.

And then there are taco days.  If it's a special event or a particularly rotten day, tacos are always in order.  One such "taco day," Joe said that he didn't want tacos.  "What do you mean you don't want tacos?  We always have tacos!" I screamed.  "Exactly," was his reply.  He wanted to eat something cooked, at home.  Tacos were not on his menu, so now they should be used sparingly on mine.  He loves to cook, or have me cook, and eat at home.  I prefer going through a drive-thru and eating in front of the television watching something terribly smutty.  This is where I consulted my mom.

She told me about give-and-take and letting things go.  If he called to check up on me, I should be thankful that he cares enough to see how I'm doing.  If he wants something other than a drive-thru grease pit, that is also a good thing.  It's a time to cook together and eat together and talk about the day.  Since then, upset, sick, tired, or whatever, we eat dinner together, at home, every night.  But if it's a taco emergency, I make sure to place the tacos nicely on our dinner plates!

And then Joe got sick.  He was in so much pain and missed several days of work, not because he wanted to, but because he got sent home.  One Sunday night in particular, there was a terrible snowstorm, our power was flickering, and Joe was huddled on the couch in pain.  "Do you need medicine?"  I asked, trying to be as caring as possible.  Joe said he did.  I was in shock at first.  Joe has always taken care of me.  Now what do I do?  He isn't possibly asking me to be the strong one, is he?  So I got in my car, pajamas and all, and went to four different stores to get him just exactly what he wanted.  I was missing The Real Housewives, but I felt good about what I was doing.  This was the right thing, but more importantly, I wanted to do this for him to make him better.  He loved me.  He always took care of me.  This was my chance to prove that I felt the same ways since I sucked at it every time before.

When I came back from my adventure, Joe was nearly asleep.  "I can't believe you went all over for me," he said.  "You do the same thing for me all of the time."  And with that, I'm becoming a better wife.

Sure, there are those times when I skim a blog about how perfect their family is, and I think, gag me, they are lying.  There are also those times in which I look at the teeny, tiny girl in the bikini sipping fruity drinks amongst hotties, and wonder, "Why can't that be me?"   But our dysfunctional relationship where I am an awesome wife a whole 27% of the time is our painting, and we are adding value to it every day.  Marriage isn't bliss.  It's hard, it sucks, and it takes a lot out of you.  As does being single, or anything else we face in our lives.  But it is our job to work at it and make it something we are proud of and something we can hang on the wall, even if it's to throw darts at.



 







 

Peyton Won

I'll fully admit that I cry over football.  If you know me at all, I rarely cry over anything that has to do with me, but once I read a tear jerking article, see an Office Max commercial about teachers, or I feel that one of my favorite players is being mistreated, it's a bawl fest.

During the Super Bowl last night, a few tears streamed down my face during the third quarter.  "Don't you start crying," Joe said.  "Peyton isn't giving up, and you shouldn't either." 

At our home, Peyton Manning is king.

I love Peyton Manning not because Troy Aikman stated last night that he is one of the top five quarterbacks of all time.  I don't love him because he set a record for most completed passes in a Superbowl (34), five MVP awards, or most touch down passes in a single season.  I love him because he's a dedicated player who loves the game and is an outstanding role model both on and off the field.

Peyton Manning is never busted "in da club" with drugs and prostitutes.  He didn't dog fight, and there are no allegations against him for sexual abuse.  He doesn't come to practice late and he always gives 100%.  While other quarterbacks are throwing back gatorade on the bench, Peyton is either on the phone or studying picture after picture, play after play. 

It's an incredible experience to watch Peyton play.  Right before the ball snaps, Peyton is known for changing it up. He has calls such as Omaha, fat man, Marshall, and my favorite, taco, that completely changes a play.  He has every play memorized, as do his players, and he expects the best from them and from himself.  Even when everything is stacked against you, if Peyton is your quarterback, he will deliver. 

But Peyton lost the Superbowl last night to the Seahawks.

There is only one winning team in the Superbowl, and last night, it wasn't the Broncos.  But once the confetti settles and the champagne stops popping, who will we remember?

We will remember Peyton.



If NFL fans and players could take a cue from Peyton, I think we would all be better spectators and competitors. 

1. Avoid bandwagoning.  Like the players you like.  Love the teams you love.  The most disgusting comments I hear is when a person hates one team so much, they want the opposing team to win.  And they usually can't formulate an appropriate reason other than, "they suck."  I don't think any of us can say that any NFL player sucks.  After all, we never made it to the NFL.

2. It's not always about picking the "winning team."  How many of you were die-hard Seahawks fans three weeks ago?  How many of you are Seahawks fans now? 

3. Integrity check.  If you found yourself cheering or justifying Richard Sherman's remarks against the San Francisco 49ers, what does that say about how you view football, or even better, yourself? Is it ok that he said he is "best corner back in the NFL" even if it is true?  Was the lesson learned that as long as it's true, we can scream it on national television?  Or should you try to set a better example knowing that millions of people are watching how you handle a win?

4.  Do research.  Why do you like who you like?  Maybe if you truly knew about your favorite players you would change your opinion. If a team was the poster-child for drug abuse a mere two months ago, would you forgive them if they won the Superbowl?

As the tears flowed regularly during the 4th quarter, and there was no way that even Peyton could save the day, Joe reminded me that Peyton didn't need to win.  "He's changed football for the better and another Superbowl ring would be awesome, but it won't make a difference in his game."  

Maybe the lesson learned is that it is human nature to lose, but it's our choice to lose respectfully.  Maybe the lesson learned is that karma comes back in the form of an ankle injury.  Or maybe the lesson learned is to take a cue from Peyton.

. 

2013 Fred Awards

ABC does it.  So does NBC and CBS.  Kathy Lee, Hoda, and Katie do it.  So do Bethenny and Ellen.  From the New York Times to Star, it's my turn.  I proudly present the 2013 Fred Awards.  These awards are given to those ultimately deserving pop culture icons and has beens, from the "Oh my gosh!" to the "Eww...gross!" moments that left all of us mediaholics thirsty for more.  

Most Inspirational

Pope Francis, March 13, 2013.  He lived in a shoebox of an apartment, takes the public bus with the Cardinals, and greets staff and patients in hospitals.  His "no frills" approach to the papcy earns him my most inspirational person of 2013.

Most Devastating

 

 

Boston Marathon Bombing, April 15, 2013.  With three dead and nearly three hundred wounded, Americans helped fellow Americans.

 

Guiltiest Pleasure

Gypsy Sisters.  "No one better mess with my Gypsy Sisters!" is the tag line, and millions of us anticipate each week what these four, now six gypsy relatives will do to themselves and each other.  From using motor oil to tan, to punching your cousin in the face on your sister's husband's cousin's front lawn, this guilty pleasure is already on its second season with no plans of hitching a motor home in any other place other than our television screens.  

Biggest Face-Palm

 

Kanye and Kim.  You named your baby WHAT?  And this made news WHY?  It took me exactly seventy-two minutes to realize I don't give a south or east.

 

Most Anticipated

Price William and Duchess Kate.  We were glued to our television sets.  We changed stations hoping to get better coverage.  We wept when the scroll was put up in front of the palace and admired Kate's blue dress (and figure) when she carried her bundle of joy down the hospital steps.  From the most anticipated wedding, to the most anticipated Royal Baby, Prince George has officially arrived.  Souvenir mug sold separately.  

Most Debated

Paula Deen.  It was a simple case: She admitted to using racial slurs and her employer didn't renew her contract.  But still, "Save Paula Deen" posters clogged up Facebook like butter in your arteries.   What's wrong?  Does Giada only use margarine?



Biggest Mover and Shaker

Nene Leakes.  From stripper to millionaire, this woman proudly states that, "I'm RICH, B-----!"  Born in Athens Georgia, she is the only woman left from the original cast of The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  There, she gained roles in The New Normal, Glee, and The Celebrity Apprentice.  She even re-wed her ex-husband on you guessed it, her own television show.  She moves, she shakes, and she makes us laugh so hard we pee a little.

 

 

Most Shocking

Robin Thicke.  Robin Thicke = Cool.  Robin Thicke releasing catchy song in Spring = Awesome.  Robin Thicke performing with Miley Cyrus and defining what "twerk" means = Disgusting.  Let's just stick to the radio and figuring out what rhymes with "hug me."

 

 

Most Memorable

The New Yorker.  When we are asked to think, that is always a good thing.  When we are asked to do so without prompts, that's even better.  Love it or hate it, it made you think.

Most Unproductive

Government Shutdown.  Here's an idea.  I'm going to hate something and try to prevent it from being launched.  Let's call it Obamacare.  And to make sure it won't be implemented, I'm going to shut down all government offices including the IRS and National Parks, putting millions of people out of work until I'm listened to.  But I'm going to continue working and receiving a paycheck because hello, I have to survive in this harsh economy.

Several weeks later...

Oh crap.  It didn't work.  I hope the people that I forced out of work for several weeks will still re-elect me.  Maybe I should send them a nice button or bumper sticker, with donated funds, of course.

 

 

 

Most Disgusting

Miley Cyrus.  She "twerked" to "Blurred Lines," is naked on a wrecking ball, and accepts an award with a joint?  Thank you, Miley Cyrus, for giving parents and future parents visual representation on everything your child should not do...ever.  WWHMD?  (What would Hannah Montana do?).  She would smack her, bathe her, and give her clothes to put on.

Most Dysfunctional

The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Aside from the franchise which is wholly dysfunctional and addicting, the New Jersey housewives offer dysfunctional on a whole new level--they are all related.  It all started with a sister who hates her sister-in-law which caused her husband to hate this sister.  Then the cousin takes the sister-in-law's side and involves her sister who happens to be a lesbian (but that was "settled" last season).  Add in a dash of matriarch and her sister-in-law who aren't speaking to their other sister-in-law, we have an all-around rumble which lasted for two hours that involved a castle, one man biting another man's privates, and black hair dye.  I think an Emmy is brewing...

 

 

Best Showmanship

Peyton Manning.  I cried when he went to the Broncos.  All of a sudden my jerseys turned from blue to orange.  Few thought that Manning would be his old, MVP, Superbowl self after his 2011 neck injury.  But he came back, and he beat Tom Brady's record for the most touchdown passes in a season, ending the 2013 regular season with fifty-five touchdown passes.  He's a class act that never forgets where he came from or loses sight as to where he is headed.  We love you, Peyton.

 

Most Missed

This post would not be complete without giving proper attention to those that have been an inspiration to us for years and have passed.  The first, James Gandolfini, who we know as Tony Soprano, died on June 19.  He was an incredible actor for the amazing television series The Sopranos, in which he earned thirteen awards.  The Sopranos, in my opinion, changed the face of cable 

 television series.

Finally, where would our world be today without Nelson Mandela?  He was a lawyer, politician, and social activist, who dedicated his life to ending apartheid.  The legacy he left will never be forgotten and our lives are enriched just for being on this earth the same time he was.  "It always seems impossible until it's done."  RIP.

  

Keeping it Real for New Year's

New Year's.  A time to reflect upon the good and bad moments from the previous year and set new goals for the upcoming year. 

Now it's time for what I like to call "Keeping it Real."  What good things happened in 2013 and what things happened that still to this day irritate you so much that your negative feelings will probably continue irritating you long after 2013 closes?  What are your resolutions that sound good on paper, but realistically won't be followed too long after the month of January?  You know it's true.  I know it's true.  Even fancy retailers know it's true which is why they only discount exercise equipment and diet foods for the month of January.  Just saying.

Totally awesome things that happened in 2013 (and that even rhymes):

• Joe and I got married and it was exactly what I pictured and wanted.  I purposely did everything myself so if something screwed up I could only blame myself and I wouldn't have to physically harm another human.
• I was pleased that my bridezilla moments were few and far between.  I imagined myself  to be quite worse and the only people that truly witnessed how bad I could possibly be were Joe, my mom, my Thailand florist, and the catering manager...whoops!
• The cabana that we rented in Vegas was pretty darn sweet and I felt rich and important.
• I am finally pleased with the decorations of my house.  It took several trials, some gift cards, and returning a few wedding gifts to make it look totally awesome.
• Joe ended 2013 with an awesome career boost that will hopefully turn me into a "Real Housewife" sooner rather than later.

Things that happened in 2013 that I will continue to be irritated about for an undisclosed amount of time and/or for the rest of my life:

• The people that didn't come to my bridal shower or wedding reception and didn't tell us.  Last time I checked, you were given sufficient notice (five weeks, but who's counting).  Don't "say" you are going to come and not show up.  Talk is cheap.  Pretending like it never happened is even worse.   Unless you were out of town, dead, or attending a funeral, you should have been there. You may have forgotten, but we haven't. 
• In the heat wave the first week of July, our central air bust and one of our huge trees collapsed on a power line.  We waited until 2 a.m. for Rocky Mountain Power to tell us that they can't help us.  Did I mention that I was getting married in a few days?  They didn't care.  Then some old man came and "fixed" our central air unit and took our money, when really he didn't fix a darn thing.  I hope you enjoy your sixty dollars.  It was a good thing it happened when it did or I would have gone Judge Judy on your behind.
• Joe and I have grown out of some of our friendships with people while reconnecting with others.  It's kind of sad to see how important a person can be one year, and the next, completely different.  I guess that's the way it works.  Insert The Lion King's "Circle of Life" song here, although no one is dying, or a lion, or Elton John.  Ok, you get my point.
• Joe's shift kept getting cut and cut.  Thank goodness for the turn of events.
• Our soaring credit card bill is enough to cause ulcers in cats.  Hopefully by our ten-year anniversary it will be paid off.  And let's not discuss my student loan.

And now looking ahead for 2014:

I'm not going to make lofty goals because I will be embarrassed come this time next year and nothing has changed (especially in the exercise department).  Speaking of exercise, if you want to set that goal, that is awesome.  I just really don't want to read about it on Facebook.  Which means, I will either have to block you, you can delete me, I can get a better attitude and deal with it, or you can write about something far more interesting.   But in the keeping it real department, I'm sure you will just continue posting the crap, I will read it, make fun of it, and move it on along. In ten years, you will look great, and I will be a sagging mess in which you can say, "Remember when you made fun of me for exercising?" 

Ok, here's the list:

• I hope to put a significant dent in paying off the credit card.
• I hope Joe continues to love his job and do well.  SHOW ME THE MONEY!
• I want to go on a trip.  Like a real one.  Wendover doesn't count even though they have the best beds.  And when we do go to Wendover, I hope I don't get food poisoning and end up in the Dell convenient store again.  Heck, maybe we can even win money this time.
• I want to have an epic birthday/anniversary/Joe's birthday celebration.  Hopefully with a bunch of strangers in a location that isn't Utah.
• I hope the crow's feet will stay at fourteen if I continue to moisturize twice a day.
• Bravo should seriously consider firing Brandy and Carlton from Beverly Hills and Kenya from Atlanta.  Vanderpump Rules is seriously a new low for Bravo, but I can't help but watch it.  Maybe if ABC would pick better Bachelors and Bachelorettes, I could watch that instead.
• I think Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkston should take a year off  (or twenty).  I find them both really annoying and I don't give a hoot about what they are wearing or where they had Sunday brunch.
• Snoop Dogg should come back in concert on a day that is not a school night and in a venue that isn't some former night club in Park City crap.  And while I think it's great that Snoop isn't doing horrible things or rapping about these horrible things, I think his concert should be his greatest hits and he should wear his house shoes just like mine.
• I hope Coca-Cola will be on sale more than it was this past year.  I'm not supposed to drink it anyway, and having it sometimes be up to $1.50 is just down right wrong.

And now that I've reached the end of the list, this is where I need to say I will be a better wife and cook dinner more than three times a week, be a nicer daughter, a more understanding friend, a patient teacher, reduce the sarcasm, stop swearing (even though I think that if you izzle it it's not swearing), and look for the silver lining in all things. 

So yeah...


Happy New Year's!










 
   

He's Kind Of a Big Deal

Here's to taking chances...again.

Joe did it again.  He is officially the luckiest person I know (and also one of the hardest working).
Joe's adventures started in September...

Since last January, Joe has been doing technical support for Verizon.  He worked as a  regular employee for about two weeks, then moved to supervisor, then moved to trainer, then he asked to be a regular employee again because he missed the interaction with customers and his friends.  Joe loved his job.  But then in September, I would come home from work, and Joe would already be home.  "They have cut everyone's hours," he would say.  "I tried to stay as long as I could."  He could see the panic in my eyes.  We both had to work at least full time.  We still had a wedding to pay for.

So his hours were uncertain for the next few weeks.  I didn't have to remind him of our credit card statement; he already knew the dillema we were facing.  And then one night at dinner, I had what I thought to be a brilliant idea.  "What about just going in on your day off and asking your boss for more hours?  Maybe he doesn't know our situation, and if you just talk to him one-on-one, he will see you mean business."  And Joe did.

The month of October, Joe had a regular schedule (thanks to his boss).  What I mean by regular schedule is that he worked full-time, but had to agree to come in whenever to pick up the hours.  His schedule was uncertain, but his paycheck wasn't, and for the time being, we could both accept that.

And then on one of Joe's pick-up days, he was approached with what we both now see as a life-changing opportunity.  His boss (the one that gave Joe a full schedule) approached Joe and asked him if instead of working for a project, he would like to work for the company itself in global technical support.  "Am I guaranteed forty hours?"  Joe asked.  The answer was yes.

Joe was selected along with two managers from the Verizon project to "try out" for the position of global technical support.  In this job, Joe was required to fix all the technical problems that impacted the 1,000 Teleperformance buildings in the world.  This department did everything from forgotten passwords, to servers are down, to an outside source that threatens security.  And they do it all from endlessly watching ten television screens and working simultaneously on two computers.  The major technical support offices are in Salt Lake City and India.

The perks of this job were endless: his own office, working 9-5 Mon-Fri, free drinks, and he gets paid to do something he thoroughly enjoys.  But there were some drawbacks: He was only "trying out" for the job, he was trying out along with two of his very good friends, and the interview process was rigorous.

Not only did he have to take multiple tests on the technical side of things, but he also had to take listening tests, leadership tests, and even tests where he would have to translate a random language into English.  Each day he went to work, he didn't know what they would have in store for him.

Three weeks into the "try out," Joe was asked if he wanted to apply to become the manager of Tier 2.  Tier 2 are those employees who deal with the bigger issues such as broken servers and building threats.  Tier 2 is as high as it goes.  This would mean Joe would be the third guy in the entire world in charge.  The main guy splits his time working in Salt Lake and India, the second guy works in India, and Joe, if hired, would be based in Salt Lake.

His interview lasted three weeks.  He had to be interviewed by every major building in the company including: Salt Lake, New York, the United Kingdom, Mexico, and his sister-city, India.  His tests were more rigorous, but the training and knowledge he acquired along the way was priceless.  The drawback was is that Joe was the "new guy" and he was competing with professionals who had been in this world for years.

It started out with four applying for the job, and then the company narrowed it down to just two: Joe and another guy who was based in Salt Lake.

I would often ask the loaded question, "When do you think they will make a decision?"  Not only did we want to know if he got the manager job, but we just wanted to know if he was going to be in that department permanently because his former Verizon project was dissolved.  "I just don't know what is going to happen,"  Joe would reply.  I could see all of the wheels turning in his head, and they just didn't stop.

On December 16, Joe was told to, "arrive early, we have an announcement to make."  A manager from the UK was supposed to be flying in to meet with Joe, but due to weather, Monday came and went, and no announcement was made.  On Tuesday, Joe was called in to "the big office" and was officially offered the job, not only in the department, but as the manager.  Nearly seven weeks later, Joe found out that he was officially the luckiest guy in the world.  He is now Man #3.  His official title is Tier 2 Global Technical Support Manager.

It only has been about five days, but things have changed a lot.  Joe has to set up a home office, so there is a lot of configuring as to where this home office will be located in our pocket-sized home.  He has two other offices in Salt Lake, one in the Teleperformance building, and one in an undisclosed location (of course, I ask the most questions about this location).  The main boss, now comfortable with the decision, is heading to India early, so that means it's Joe and only Joe in North America for right now.

Joe now has multiple telephones and computers where some travel with him at all times and others remain stationary.  He has an expense account where he just "buy all the things you need to make your transition smoother."  Of course, we could only find one thing he needs: a $29.99 laptop bag!  Yes, we are frugal!  Joe is permanently on call and his hours are all over the place.  He was also told to not dress up and wear a tie.  He is to "blend in" at all times.  The person training him is Man #2 in India, and they have become really good friends in the process.  I told Joe I've never been to India before, and my passport is up-to-date (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).  Joe even told my mom that, "who knows, maybe your daughter will be able to retire early." 

As for his two friends who he originally applied with, one was hired permanently for Tier 1, and the other one is a temp worker, with hopes to be full-time at the beginning of the year.

I asked Joe, "does this mean you're like kind of a big deal now?"  "I don't know," he grumbled.  I'll take that as a yes. Congratulations, Joe!

He's kind of a big deal now.

But it's Christmas...

I begin thinking of Christmas in the summer.  I carefully plan my decorations, my Christmas card, the gifts I give to people usually no later than the week after Halloween.  I don't get annoyed when stores start putting up Christmas decorations early--I am the one immersed in the aisles looking at all of the endless possibilities of turning my house into a Christmas masterpiece.  I love Christmas.

Besides the decorations (which I live for), I love Christmas candy, cookies, treats, gift baskets filled with things you didn't know you knew existed or wanted.  I like the smell of Christmas.  I proudly listen to Christmas music the day after Thanksgiving and have a wide assortment of Christmas CD's.  I truly love everything about Christmas.

I also love(d) the general feeling in the air.  It's Christmas--go see the lights in the freezing cold.  Stay up late watching Elf, or Serendipity, or Home Alone  Take time to experiment with your favorite apple cidar recipe.  Enjoy your family, reconnect with friends.  Have patience.  And most importantly, be kind.

This season began like most.  I was super excited to decorate, to wander around stores aimlessly looking at Christmas decorations, to blast Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You."  And then things changed.

People around me were so darn negative.  Drivers seemed more aggressive.  Cashiers didn't ask me if I found everything I needed ok.  Shoppers would shove and leave their children unattended so poor employees had to leave their post and watch them.  My connection with family and friends was limited at best (other than work friends).  Few people around me wanted to do anything Christmas or holiday related. 

But I kept moving.  I planned and executed a Christmas party singlehandedly, sent out a ridiculous number of Christmas cards, searched high and low for just the perfect gifts, and continued to blast Mariah Carey during her better, wild hair/high voice years. 

But then the actions of others got me down as well.  Joe has been pretty sick this season with a variety of things that I don't want to get into.  I would watch him drive through the mess of selfish drivers shaking in pain, attend doctors appointments at 8 p.m. in West Jordan so he wouldn't miss work, and be left with still many unanswered questions.  There were so many instances when I wanted to shake the random person standing next to me and yell, "BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS!" 

But it's Christmas, shouldn't we be respectful, nice, patient, caring, and selfless?  But it's Christmas, shouldn't we help those in need silently without receiving attention?  But it's Christmas, shouldn't we try to reconnect with those we may have lost contact with?  But it's Christmas, can we focus on the time with others rather than the gifts we receive?  But it's Christmas, can we set aside our drama and focus on what really matters?

After a week of putting the holiday I carry so near to my heart on hold, I got in my car on Thursday and just started driving to release my frustration.  But it's Christmas, I'm not going to let another moment pass without celebrating the season I love most!  Joe called and asked where I was because it was after 8 p.m.  Of course, I ended up in the holiday aisle of Shopko, just looking at all the wonderful things that to me, Christmas possesses.  It's amazing how much better I felt looking at silly little ornaments and hearing Bing Crosby on the loudspeaker. 

That silly little instance is how I took Christmas back.  I light my trees as soon as I get home from work and I don't turn them off until bedtime.  I blast Christmas music in my car.  I go to random stores nearly every day just to look at decorations.  I make Joe drive me around neighborhoods to look at lights.  I watch every childhood Christmas movie I can in a month's time.  I eat more nonsense than my teeth and stomach can bear and still have room for more.

Christmas is the same time every year; don't waste another moment. On December 26, the magic simply disappears. I refuse to spend my season immersed in the poor attitudes of others, the "what if's," or my own self pity.  Christmas is as magical as we make it out to be, and I intend on being great competition to David Copperfield.





From my heart to yours, I wish you a healthy, joyous holiday season filled with memories to last a lifetime.  From the lips of Joe, "don't let anyone ruin your nice time."